It Hurts Until It Doesn't
by HopelesslyHappy
Summary: A newcomer to Starling City with an interesting connection to Ray Palmer unwittingly stirs up trouble amongst the Arrow team. Will Felicity stay with Ray; will Oliver face his past and open his heart; will Team Arrow gain new members, or fall apart altogether? During current season, but with liberties taken. For your enjoyment only! {{ Raylicity! Possible Oliver x OC. }}
1. Coming Back and Undone

_**It Hurts Until It Doesn't **_

**Author's note: Hi everyone! So this story takes place during the current season. However, I've taken some liberties with the plot. Most noticeably, Maseo has decided to stay in Starling City with Oliver and help the team. I'm inserting a new character so I'm kind of taking the story where I want it to go, while incorporating some of the current happenings. Of course, **_**I don't own any of the characters or stories. All rights reserved to their original owners. **_**I hope you all enjoy it and leave me some comments with your thoughts! Kind regards.**

**Chapter One**

**Coming Back and Undone**

Ray could hear Felicity calling his name behind him, but he didn't turn. He couldn't. Every cell in his body was responding to the name on the phone. He had to see her. He wouldn't believe it, couldn't believe it, until he saw her with his own eyes. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest as he pounded down the pavement to the car that would take him to the airport. The car that would take him to London, that would take him home.

Images flashed through his mind. What would she look like? Would she even remember him? Of course she would. What a ridiculous thought. They had told him not to expect much. They said it had only been a few weeks, and this was normal. To be expected. But how long would it last? Would he be able to help her?

The only thought running through his mind as he boarded the plane was _please, God, bring her home to me._

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Waking up was torture. Everyone constantly buzzing around like incessant insects with one purpose: poke and prod me. Insert this, take this out, check for this and that. And wait. The waiting was the worst part. Always waiting, leering, waiting, scribbling on their notepads. I wanted to scream at them, tell them to leave me alone and to stop waiting. But that's what they wanted. They wanted me to lose it. They wanted me to scream and thrash and throw things. That way they could sedate me again. That way they could study me, like a lab rat. "Patient X did this today, shocking, according to this timeline she should already be at point B."

I felt trapped. Which was never a good thing. I could feel my mind slipping, sliding away from reality. Suddenly, I was no longer in the London hospital. I was in a concrete room, the stench of human feces and rotting flesh burning the skin out of my nose. I could feel him touching me. Pushing himself inside me. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry.

I wanted to die.

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Sitting in their weekly board meeting, Felicity found herself worrying about Oliver and the others. What if they needed her? What if something happens to them because she was here, instead of there? Lately, she felt split in half. She loved Oliver and the rest of Team Arrow, but she was always growing feelings for Ray. She wanted to help both of them, truly. So how could she decide?

She was thrust out of her daydream when Ray's cell vibrated on the table. He checked the caller ID, answered, and immediately paled. He mumbled a few "yeses" and "nos". Then suddenly he bolted from his seat, knocking his chair over in the process. He ran from the meeting, no explanation, nothing.

"Ray! Ray, where are you going? Ray!" Felicity called after him as he ran for the emergency stairs. He didn't even turn to look at her.

What felt like a gnawing ache grew in her stomach.

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Oliver sat alone in Verdant, contemplating the decision he currently faced. Possibly one of the biggest decisions he'd ever made, and considering his track record this decision weighed heavily on him. Could he do it? Could he leave Starling City and because the next Ra's al Ghul? He wasn't sure if he could leave all his friends behind. Starting over seemed scary, too painful. What kind of life would he live as a Ra's? He thought of Thea, Diggle, Roy, Laurel, and Felicity. He thought of Felicity more than he wanted to.

That was another decision he had a rough time with. Could he be with someone he loved, if it meant putting them in danger? Well, more danger than they were already in. Could he survive the pain he would feel when he had to watch her move on safely with someone else? He had decided the ladder was most doable, so he had told Felicity he couldn't be with her, not when he was still the Arrow.

But what about if he was Ra's al Ghul? Could he be with her then? Most importantly, would she want to be with him, he wondered.

Oliver wasn't blind. He could see the way Ray looked at her, and the way Felicity now looked at him. He was hurting, but it was a hurt he had inflicted on himself. Maybe it was time he moved on. Maybe being the next Ra's didn't seem so bad, after all.

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Coming back to reality, I unfortunately found myself still in the hospital. I'm not sure which was worse. A nurse came in to check my blood pressure, oxygen levels, and of course my pupils. Have to make sure I'm not brain dead yet, right?

I tried to count away the day. One second, two second, three…by the time I got to four hundred and fifty six I was too tired to count any more. Might as well get some sleep, then. Maybe counting seconds worked better than sheep.

I had just drifted off into oblivion when a voice just touched the surface of my consciousness. I know that voice…but how? From where? It called to me again. And I languidly decided if I should answer it or not. I tried to open my eyes, move my lips, but sleep had taken it's hold on me.

Suddenly, a hand was in mine. Another caressing my face. My face turned to accept the hand to my cheek, as if it had done it a hundred times before. The hand was warm, large, and very, very, familiar. Slowly my eyes started listening to me again, and I was able to open them slightly. My eyelashes fluttered in and out of view. Finally, my eyes cooperated and I was able to search for the face that belonged to this loving hand. Then I found the face's eyes, and I felt tears well up in mine.

"_Ray_."


	2. Awake and Alive

**Chapter Two**

**Awake and Alive**

"_Ray."_

Her voice, barely a whisper, penetrated Ray's heart and burned out all the pain and grief he had been through the past two years. He could barely believe he was here, in London, looking into his sister's eyes again.

When he got the phone call, he thought he would never see her again. He could barely stand to talk about her, or look at any photos with her in them. Each time he thought about her, he thought about never seeing her again. Never hearing her laugh, or feeling her lips on his cheek.

Now, almost two years later, here she was. Whole. And as beautiful as ever.

"I'm here, Benny, I'm here. You're okay now. I'm here." Her eyes focused on him, then overflowed with tears. He chalked it up to sadness, and joy from seeing her brother for the first time after being freed. But the next words out of her mouth changed that thought immediately.

"Get me out of here. Please, please, please. You have to get me out of here, Ray. You have to get me out of here, or you have to kill me. Please. Please don't leave me in here. Ray, _please!_" She pleaded and pleaded with him while his brain tried to catch up. Did she think she was still in Iran, or Iraq or where ever she had been? Surely she didn't mean get her out of the hospital, right?

"Ben, you're safe here. These people are trying to help you. They're only trying to help you heal and-"

"No, you don't understand. It's just as bad here. Here or there, it's all the same. I want to go home Ray, I want to go home. Today. You have to take me home." She begged him, teeth gritted, tears spilling down her cheeks and onto the paper hospital gown they had her wearing. Ray knew then what he had to do.

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Felicity called and called Ray's phone, but he never answered. Eventually, it only went to voicemail. Dead. She had tracked him to the hospital, tracked his credit card statement to a flight to London, and then lost him. He hadn't charged any of his cards since his plane landed last night. She wasn't sure what to do.

She wasn't exactly his girlfriend or anything, but they were more than friends. Did that give her a right to be mad at him for ignoring her? All she knew was that her stomach had been in knots all day. What if something happened to him? Was this somehow related to that stupid suit he built, or his fiancé who was murdered?

"Ugh, I'm being such a girl." Felicity thought. She gathered her belongings, and the rest of the Thai food she ordered for dinner, and headed to Verdant. Checking her phone she saw she had three texts from Roy, and a missed call from Oliver. Hopefully they needed her all night, and possibly all day tomorrow. That way she would have something to take her mind off Ray.

"Hello? Guys?" Felicity walked into the club, but found it empty. She woke up her monitors, and began clicking away, looking for anything to distract her.

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After what seemed like an eternity, I found myself flying first class to a place called Starling City. After the flight attendant assured us it was safe to walk around the cabin, I went to the bathroom, clicking the lock to "occupied". I still had my stupid hospital bracelet on, "Jane Doe." I couldn't get it off, so I used the corner of the metal paper towel dispenser until it snapped. Finally. In the process, I pierced the skin under my wrist and a few droplets of blood found their way to the floor. I watched as the blood congealed and eventually stopped flowing. I felt the same sense of relief, and clarity, that I always did.

I relished in the feeling a few moments longer, then cleaned up and returned to my seat, pulling my sleeve over the wound. Ray had bought be a black sweat suit from the gift shop, and unfortunately the emblem for the hospital was stitched into the pockets in bright yellow thread, mocking me.

"I ordered you some oatmeal, no milk, and a black tea. Did you want anything else? Toast? Maybe some orange juice?"

"No, that sounds great. Thank you." I grabbed Ray's hand and squeezed, wishing I could just stay here, safe with him forever. He smiled down at me, with the look on his face that I knew everyone would be giving me for awhile now. Well, everyone who knew, that is. The look that says, "watch out, she could snap at any moment." "Caution: breakable; damaged." "Use at your own risk." I had to look away.

All I wanted to do was forget. Move on. But I knew, from experience, that it wouldn't work. I can feel the memories, the fear, the pain, all tugging on the sides of my consciousness. Little black wings, just fluttering out of view. Waiting for the most inopportune moment to strike. But for now I will push them away. I will wait until I'm alone to face them.

My breakfast comes, and Ray drinks his coffee black. I wonder if he didn't take his cream because I'm here.

I let myself ponder what else he does differently now, two years later, as I drift into sleep.

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The plane ride home went surprisingly well. Ray tucks Bennett into his bed. She's tired again. Jet lag, probably. Although, he has no idea what time zone she was in, or should be in, so maybe she's just tired after all.

He is worried about her. The look she gets on her face sometimes scares him. It's like she puts a wall up, several walls. Is she hiding something from me, or trying to hide from her own mind? Ray could only imagine the kinds of things she has seen. Horrible things that someone raised like he was couldn't even imagine.

Bennett was always someone who kept her pain inside. Hidden from everyone so as not to harm them, too. She was always worried about others. But this was different. When he did catch himself looking at her, worried, he also saw the way she looked back at him. Hurt. Disappointed. He wasn't sure what to do.

He walked into the kitchen to check his charging phone. Twenty-seven missed calls, seventeen texts, and three hundred and forty-three emails. He set his phone down again, too stressed to know where to start. He checked the calendar and counted the days. He had been gone six days. He counted again, just to be sure. Six days. It felt like a lifetime ago.

He opened his laptop and began ordering clothes, shoes, new bedding. He wanted to make sure Bennett was comfortable. She could buy new things that she wanted later, when she felt like it.

He was just about to finish another order (overnight deliver fee $45.00) when an email popped up from F. Smoak. Ray sighed, realizing his mistake. The credit card.

He walked back to the kitchen, and dialed the number.

She picked up halfway through the first ring.

"Ray?"

"Felicity, it's me. Listen, I'm so sorr-"

"Sorry? You're so sorry? I thought you were dead! Do you get that? You get a phone call, in the middle of a meeting, then run out in a panic, book a flight to London, and then I don't hear from you for six days?"

"I know, I know. I can explain everything. I didn't mean for you to worry."

"Six days, Ray. Did you hear me? Six. Days. I was about to order your casket online. I probably could have gotten a real good deal too. There's probably a Groupon for them now or maybe even a-"

"I have a sister." Felicity was quiet. Ray glanced at his phone to make sure the call hadn't dropped. "Did you hear me?"

"What? I mean yes. Yes, I heard you. I'm just trying to process…you have…a sister? Since when?"

"She had been missing, for two years. I wasn't even sure she was alive. Until I got that phone call. She was at a hospital in London. She's alive, Felicity. And she's here, with me, at home."

"I'm so sorry, Ray. I had no idea. You know how I get. Is she…is okay? I mean obviously she's probably not okay-okay, you know, but she must be doing alright enough if she was able to come home, right?"

"Yeah, yeah she's doing alright. She's…well it's hard to explain. But listen, I have a few things to take care of tonight. But that party you wanted me to go with you to, that's this Saturday, right?"

"Thea's birthday, yes. It's Saturday. At eight. But listen I totally get it if you can't come anymore."

"No no, I want to come still. It's just, is it okay if my sister comes too? I don't want to leave her at home by herself just yet."

"Of course! No problem. I can't wait to meet her."

"Okay. I'll see you there then. Send me the address again, please."

"Will do. Any Ray?"

"Yes?"

"I'm really glad you're okay."

Ray smiled into the phone, and hung up. He checked the calendar one last time. There were three days until Saturday. Three long days until he would see Felicity again. Another lifetime.


	3. Gifts and Glass

The next three days passed slowly. Ray hovered around me. Buying this and that, asking if I was hungry, checking on me while I slept. I knew he was worried. He hadn't asked me any specifics yet. I think he's waiting for me to divulge them when I'm ready. Which was one nice thing at last. I didn't even know where to start. How do you tell your only brother that you were sold repeatedly to horrible men, and all the horrible things you did to survive there? I was scared that if I told him, it would break him. I also knew he would never stop looking at me the way he does now.

I couldn't handle any of that. Not now. So for now, I just focused on the task at hand. Ray had told me last night that a girl he's "sort of dating" wants him to be her date to a friend's party, and now I'm going to be the third wheel. Ray asked me too many times to count if I was sure I wanted to come; if I was sure I could handle it.

I told him yes, that I was excited to socialize again. But on the inside, I was terrified. I didn't want Ray's friends to look at me like the crazy girl. I knew he hadn't told them anything about me, and neither had Felicity. I wasn't actually sure what he had told Felicity about me, but I was sure it wasn't a lot.

Ray bought me clothes (too many clothes) to wear to the party tonight. I wanted something that was definitely going to cover up any wounds and scars, so I decided on black jeans, a simple white shirt, and a denim jacket. I wore my hair down, and tried to cover up the marks on my neck. I was coming up with some cover stories to tell his friends when Ray knocked on the door.

"Come in!"

"Hey Benny. Wow, you look great! Uh, I have a present for you." I turned to pull the box out of his hands. I noticed he was wearing a suit, jacket and all, but no tie. He must really like this girl. Or was it a fancy party, and I'm just grossly underdressed? I opened the box, and pulled out a pair of beautiful knee-high boots.

"Oh Ray. They're perfect! Thank you."

"And they're faux-leather, man-made. I double-checked with the company. No animals were harmed, promise." I smiled up at this man who loved me unconditionally, and reached up to hug his neck. He seemed pleased with my response.

"Well, there's some socks in there too. So whenever you're ready, we can leave." Ray smiled and closed the door behind him. Always so observant and conscientious of my privacy. I laced up the boots, and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I didn't look too bad. Maybe a little paler than I should be. Bumps and bruises here and there. But the worst of it was covered by my pants and jacket, so flipping off the light, I left the room, closing the door behind me.

"Ready?" Ray was waiting by the front door. In his hand were a bundle of lilies, and a small gift-wrapped box. Was I supposed to have gotten a present?

"Ready." I guess it was too late now.

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Felicity was busying herself, organizing napkins, stringing lights along the windows, setting up Thea's apartment for her party in an hour. They had set it up to be a surprise, but Felicity was pretty sure Thea knew what was going on. Felicity nervously chewed on her fingernails. She had told Oliver Ray would be coming, but not that he was bringing his sister. Everyone else who was coming was part of Team Arrow, and Ray even knew Oliver was in fact the Arrow, but she hadn't told him that either. She debated telling him, but since he wasn't here yet she wouldn't worry about that yet.

She did, however, worry about Ray's mysterious sister. Would she like Felicity? If she didn't, would Ray not want anything to do with Felicity anymore? She hoped Bennett would like her, and that she would like Bennett. But other than the fact that Ray had assumed his sister dead, she knew nothing else about her.

Felicity straightened the place settings one more time, then went into the bathroom to check her makeup. She smoothed out the creases in her pink dress. She must have tried on every single dress she owned. She was so nervous about seeing Ray and his sister, and also how the whole night would play out. Would it be akward with Ray and Oliver? Would it be weird that everyone knew about the Arrow, except Bennett, and except that no one else knew Ray knew?

She started sweating and fanned herself with the towel.

"Just calm down, Felicity, everything's going to be fine. Everyone will get along. No one's gonna punch anyone. Fine. Everything. Will. Be. Fine." Just then the doorbell rang, and Felicity went to answer the door. Dig and Roy showed up, thank God, with the cake. She took the cake and carefully put it into the double door fridge.

A few minutes later, Oliver arrived with Maseo.

"Oliver! Hey, uh, come in. Hey Maseo."

"Felicity."

"Did you bring the ice?" Oliver held up two bags of ice in his hand.

"Oh, haha, there it is. Yay ice."

"Yup. Are you okay?

"What? Why?" Felicity nervously pulled on a piece of loose hair. "I mean, yeah yeah, everything's great. Just setting up before Thea gets here." Felicity quickly busied herself in the kitchen then. Pretending to clean the wine glasses, even though they were already clean. She felt relieved when Oliver went to talk with Ray. She debated, again, if she should mention Bennett coming. She had just worked up the courage to tell him, when the doorbell rang.

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"You look great Bennett. Stop worrying."

"I know, but do you think I was supposed to dress up more? Maybe I should have worn a dress. Should we stop somewhere so I can get more flowers for Thea?"

"Oh, um, actually I got these for Felicity. Is that weird? Should I give them to Thea instead?"

I almost thought I saw Ray blush. I was so excited to meet Felicity. She must be great if Ray was this taken with her. He was like a boy in grade school all over again.

"Oh, no that's really, really sweet of you. She'll love them. Will you just say whatever you got Thea is from both of us? I know I don't know her or anything, but since I'm coming to her party I feel like I should have brought something. Wait, I know! Can we stop really quick at the nearest store?"

Half an hour later, we got back in the car and headed for Thea's apartment. Ray kept checking his watch, and I knew he was nervous about being late. But we made it right on time. We buzzed ourselves up to her apartment, and rang the doorbell. I did a few last second checks and tried to brush my tangled hair with my fingers, being sure to do my best to cover to bruises on my neck.

Just then, a gorgeous blonde opened the door. As soon as she looked at Ray, I knew this was Felicity. I glanced at Ray and saw the same puppy dog look in his eyes.

"Felicity, these are for you, actually." He handed her the flowers, and she took them gratefully. It was so sweet I felt like I was about to get a toothache. Just then she shifted her attention to me.

"Oh! Felicity, this is Bennett. Bennett, Felicity."

"Hi, it's nice to finally meet you, Felicity."

"Likewise. Wow. You're like, really pretty. Ray, you didn't tell me she was pretty. Come in, welcome!" I knew I would like Felicity then. She was so bubbly and honest. Pretty much the opposite of me, but perfect for Ray.

She stepped aside and we walked into a cavern of a room. Ray barely even seemed fazed by its luxurious feel, and I wondered if he had been here before. This place must cost a fortune. I noticed someone had decorated with balloons, streamers, and those little Christmas lights you put on the tree. It was amazing. I could sense Felicity waiting for our reaction, and I knew then that she was the one that put them up.

"It's beautiful, Felicity, really."

"Aww, thanks guys. It really didn't take that long. I should put these in some water."

After my initial shock of the place wore off, I was alerted to the presence of other people in the room. Over in the living area, there were three men looking over at us.

"Hey everybody. How's it going?" Ray obviously knew these people.

"Hi Ray. Waiting for the beer to arrive. And I guess Thea." A dark guy in a leather jacket walked up to me then.

"Hi, I'm John Diggle, but you can just call me Diggle."

"Bennett. Nice to meet you." I tentatively shook his outstretched hand.

"Oh, I'm so sorry I'm terrible. Diggle, Maseo, (a slight pause) Oliver, this is Bennett. My sister." I glanced sideways at Ray when he was introducing me. I could tell he didn't like the last guy very much. And upon closer inspection I was pretty sure I didn't either. He looked at me, no, scrutinized me with his blue eyes. The other guy, Maseo, I think, shook my hand as well.

"Pleasure." I noticed his arts darting to my neck and the few scars on my face, probably the fading bruise under my eye, too, but he was so quick I wouldn't have even noticed if I hadn't been waiting for it. He moved gracefully, I wondered what he did for a living.

Oliver came to shake my hand as well, but didn't say anything to me, simply smiled a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Just then another guy, slightly younger, came downstairs, requesting someone to come help him with Thea's present. Oliver and Diggle went to help him, while Ray went to help Felicity in the kitchen.

I awkwardly hung around with Maseo, but when I saw him looking at my neck again, I walked over to the window to see the view. It was, not surprisingly, spectacular. I wondered how someone as young as Thea could afford a place like this. I know Ray had told me her family was wealthy. But she and Oliver had lost their parents recently, so maybe this is how she spent her inheritance.

A loud noise from the kitchen startled me, and I found myself holding onto the couch for support as my ears rung. I could feel my heart beat pick up, and the noise in my ear become louder, and somewhere far away my brain registered that Felicity had broken a vase, and that was the noise that hard startled me. But the current part of my brain was trying to conjure up a memory. When glass had broken after my head hit the window of the back window in a van, and my hands were bound and my feet were bound, and I couldn't see or hear anything then either. I smelled gasoline and smoke, and the sound of a woman crying, screaming, begging for help. But then I realized that that woman was me. I was screaming. The taste of blood in my mouth as I registered that my head was bleeding, dripping into my nose and mouth, blinding me.

" Bennett? Benny? Hey, Benny. Ben…Bennett!" I had to blink a few times before I saw his face. I was back in Thea's living room, and I knew that I wasn't in the car anymore, but I still found myself lifting a hand to my head, to the scar that was now there just under my hairline, to make sure there wasn't any blood still oozing out.

"Hey, you okay? Can you hear me?" Ray was holding me by my shoulders, reaching a hand to cover mine on my forehead.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm sorry I just got startled. You know how I am." I conjured up the best smile I could and tried to clear my throat, the lingering taste of copper and gasoline still present. "Could I get some water, actually? Please." Ray went back into the kitchen to get a glass, and I noticed Felicity looking from me to Ray, then back to me, mouth hanging slightly open. I groaned internally, as I realized that the guys from upstairs had come down, I assumed after hearing the noise, and were also glancing in my direction. Oliver, however, wasn't just glancing. He was actually glaring at me.

Just then a feeling welled up inside of me, and I used every ounce of mental strength I had to tuck it back into its place. I had to suck it up and try and enjoy the party, for Ray. And Felicity. But the feeling, the need to run away, far away, was eating at me. Another feeling, one that made my hands sweat and my throat dry up, also clawed its way into my mind. I took the glass Ray offered me, and took slow, methodical swallows, trying to think of anything else.

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	4. Cake and Handcuffs

Oliver turned the lights of at the club, and followed Maseo to the car. He was excited to celebrate his sister's birthday, and to spend time with all of the people he loved, but ever since Felicity told him she had invited Ray he was also dreading the party. He loved Felicity, but he had let her go, and he needed to move on. But having to see her with that man, the man who not only took over his company, but also took away Felicity, hurt worse than he wanted to admit.

When they arrived at the apartment, he took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. Felicity answered, and he awkwardly gave her the ice she had asked him to bring. They exchanged a few words, but she was acting so weird, he decided to go check in with Roy and Dig instead.

"Hey Dig, where's your wife?

"She's at home, with Sara. She was too tired to come, but not too tired to ask me to save her some cake."

"Well hey, no one's ever too tired for cake right?" A few minutes later, the doorbell rang again, and Oliver watched as Felicity checked her hair and her dress one more time, then opened the door. The way her face lit up, he knew it had to be Ray out there, and he had brought her flowers. A darkness stretched itself out in Oliver's stomach, turning it to acid. But something was weird. Felicity was being introduced to someone, a woman by the sound of it. A small flutter of selfish hope developed in Oliver. Could he have brought a date maybe? But no, he and Felicity were a thing now. She wouldn't have invited him if her were going to bring another girl.

Just then Ray and the young woman entered the apartment. Immediately, his stomach clenched when he say Ray. There he was. But then he saw the woman he had brought with him. She was young, probably around Felicity's age. Maybe a few years younger. And very peculiar. She was thin and pale, like she had recently been sick. Even from afar, he could tell she had some scars around her neck and face, and also some fresh marks. He had spent enough time on the island to know that the semi-circular marks along the front of her neck were from a wire, or a string that had been pulled around her neck from behind. As if someone had tried to choke her, or maybe even kill her. She was obviously trying to hide them as she kept pulling on her jacket, and moving her hair around as she inspected the apartment. He noticed the way her eyes flitted from one thing to another. Like she was looking for threats, or maybe a way out.

He immediately got the feeling that she wasn't someone to be trusted. And he tried to decide if he felt that way because of her appearance, or because she was someone tied to Ray Palmer. Just then Dig went to introduce herself to him, and Ray introduced her to everyone. Oliver's mind got hung up on the "sister" part. They looked nothing alike, aside from having dark hair. Was this why Felicity seemed so on edge?

Maseo seemed to notice her appearance as well, since his eyes also skimmed over her neck and wrists as his back stiffened, alerting Oliver that he thought something was off, too. He realized it was his turn to shake her hand, and he took in the bruises on her face, and the same marks around her wrists as she reached to shake his hands. Her hands had been bound, frequently in seemed by the number of marks. His mind was trying to take it all in and make sense of it. Was she some kind of a threat? Was this a greater plan of Ray's somehow? Take over my company, steal Felicity, then send in some sort of woman involved in God know's what? Or maybe he was just being paranoid.

When Roy came down to ask for help, Oliver gladly offered. He, Dig, and Roy were trying to put together a dresser that Roy had gotten for Thea when a crash alerted them downstairs. He heard Felicity cussing, and they went down to make sure everyone was okay. Once on the first floor, he saw Felicity trying to pick up the glass on the floor with a towel. The flowers Ray had gotten her were strewn across the floor too, and Oliver felt oddly satisfied. Until Felicity suddenly looked worried, and he followed her gaze over to Ray and his sister.

He was trying to get her attention, calling her name over and over again. But her face was one of pure fear; her gaze no where near Ray. She clung, white-knuckled, to the couch, using it to support her weight. He watched her chest rise and fall as she frantically drew shallow breaths. A few moments later, her eyes moved to Ray, and she seemed to realize where she was again. A hand reached up to her forehead as if checking for something. Oliver thought she must have been having some sort of flashback, and his skepticism about her increased.

Who was this person that was now going to be in Felicity's life? Could someone as seemingly unstable as she was be trusted around Felicity? What if this happened again, but next time she thought Felicity was trying to hurt her, so she hurts Felicity instead? Just then Bennett's eyes found his, and he realized he must be glaring at her as her eyes hardened in response.

Bennett excused herself to the bathroom, and Ray started to help Felicity clean up the rest of the glass.

"Is she alright?" Felicity seemed somewhere between concern and confusion.

"Yeah, she'll be alright. I told you, things are a little bit weird right now for her. But she's okay, really. Sometimes she just gets a little lost, that's all."

"Does she have PTSD?" Oliver was surprised to hear Maseo asking Ray a question. Even more surprised to see that he seemed concerned.

"Umm, yes. She does. I guess. She doesn't really…she won't talk to me about anything. About any of it. So I don't know what happens, or where she goes, but I know it's not a good place. Sometimes she's gone for a few seconds, and sometimes it's minutes. This was one of the worse times. So, I'm sorry you all had to see it."

"No, no, don't apologize, Ray." The darkness in Oliver sparked up again as Felicity put her hand on Ray's arm, comforting him. "I'm just glad she's okay. And she'll talk when she's ready." Ray smiled up at Felicity, and he seemed to relax at her touch.

Just then the lock in the front door jingled, and Laurel came rushing in, half out of breath.

"Thea's on her way up."

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Felicity was glad to see everyone having a fun time at the party. Thea had arrived, and actually seemed to be surprised. Everyone was getting along, and so far Oliver and Ray hadn't punched each other, no one had mentioned the Arrow, and Bennett hadn't had another episode. Felicity felt sad not only for Bennett, but also Ray. She wondered what it must be like to have you sister (who you thought was dead) come home, only to be riddled with bruises and mental pains. She had seen Bennett's face after she broke the vase, and couldn't help but feel slightly guilty that it had been her fault.

She decided to pull Bennett aside and apologize to her. Felicity found her sitting on one of the couches in the living room next to Ray, patiently listening to everyone around her tell stories about Thea.

"Hey Bennett, do you wanna help me with something in the kitchen?" She leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"Yeah, of course." Bennett's gold-green eyes met hers and followed her to the kitchen.

"I'm gonna try and decorate Thea's cake, but I'm not sure how. Any thoughts?" Bennett picked up the letters that spelled "happy birthday" in bright colors, and began placing them on the cake. Felicity noticed how her hands slightly shook.

"Hey I just wanted to say that I'm sorry…for earlier." Bennett looked up at her quizzically. "You know, when I broke that vase? I didn't…I didn't know…I mean not that it matters but Ray didn't tell me…much about you. If I had known I would have been more careful and-" Bennett dropped the letters and reached over to take Felicity's hands in hers.

"Felicity, you are so sweet and thoughtful. I knew before I even met you that you must be a special person since my brother is so taken with you, but you're even more amazing than I imagined." Felicity was too stunned to reply, and was about to say something when Bennett wrapped Felicity in a warm embrace, resting her head on Felicity's shoulder. Afterwards, Bennett finished applying the letters, turning the cake to make sure Felicity deemed it a good enough job. Felicity nodded her head, but found herself a little choked up. Now she felt guilty for having thought that Bennett might be a cruel, selfish person and keep her from Ray, but now she saw how loving she was, even after whatever she had been through.

Felicity pulled out the candles and called everyone to come over. She lit the candles, and laughed with her friends as everyone sang Thea "Happy Birthday" a little off key.

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I found myself actually enjoying the company of Ray's (or as I found out, rather Felicity's) friends. Everyone was kind to me, even though I noticed some sideways looks and obviously filtered comments after my attack. I liked Thea and Laurel. They were both very beautiful and strong. I learned through Diggle that Laurel recently lost her sister, Sara, and that they were all very close. I knew what it was like to lose a family member, and wanted to try and comfort Laurel, but I knew there was nothing beneficial I could say as an outsider.

A few times I felt my mind slipping from underneath me, but I managed to bring myself back. After my moment with Felicity, I felt something I hadn't in a long time. Hope. That there were still good-hearted people out there who could still see me as a person, who could maybe still love me. My heart was a little too swollen, and I separated myself from the group to gaze out the window again.

A few minutes later, I heard the group laughing at some joke Ray had made, and I smiled, happy he found someone to love. Felicity really was a wonderful human being. And she was lucky to have someone like Ray to love her, too.

I felt someone coming up behind me before I heard him, he really moved silently.

"Did you want some cake?" I turned to see Maseo holding out a piece of cake, fork and all.

"Oh, no thank you. I don't eat dairy, but I appreciate the offer."

"I understand. I didn't really eat dairy growing up. It's not really a food staple in my culture." He set the piece of cake down on the side table, and joined me at the window. I could tell he was trying to give me a piece of information about himself, to make me comfortable, probably in hopes that I would disclose something to him as well. "It's a pretty great view, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it really is." I wanted to make sure the conversation stayed focused on him. "So who did you know first here?"

"Oliver, actually. I just met everyone else a few weeks ago. I've known Oliver for many years, though."

"Gotcha. I don't think he likes me very much. Actually, I don't think he likes Ray very much either. Is it because he took over Oliver's company?" He looked at me.

"Oliver is just not really good with people. And yes, probably. Among…other things." At this he glanced at Felicity, and suddenly everything became clear. Male pride could go a very, very long way.

"Ah, I get it now. So Maseo, what do you do?"

"Uh, I work with Oliver." He seemed uncomfortable with the turn in questions, so I decided to switch gears.

"Duh. Sorry, that was a dumb question. I think I'm going to get another drink, do you want anything?"

"I'll get you something, what would you like?" I asked him for a Sprite, or a water if they were out. I turned to watch him walk into the kitchen, when I felt someone else watching me. Not surprisingly, it was Oliver. We made eye contact, and he shifted his gaze back to Diggle, who was impersonating Roy.

Just then Diggle got a call on his cell phone. I gathered that it was his wife, come to give Thea the present Diggle had left out there house. He said something, to which Thea, Laurel, and Felicity all squealed. They all ran for the door with Diggle and Ray behind. I questioned Maseo when he came back with my water, and he informed me that Diggle had a precious baby girl who was downstairs with his wife.

Feeling awkward, I sipped my water and excused myself to the bathroom. Be in a room alone with three guys I barely knew, one of which I suspected hated me? No thanks. I splashed some water on my face and wrists. I turned off the faucet and heard what sounded like a window breaking, and a body hitting the floor. I cautiously opened the bathroom door, and strained to hear what was happening.

I heard someone groaning, and what sounded like a gun with a silencer firing. I heard men talking to each other.

"We have him. Bagging them up now. En route in two minutes. You, check the apartment. Make sure it's clear." My mind froze, and time seemed incredibly slow. Was this real? How could I tell? I opened a drawer and found a pair of nail scissors. I lifted up my sleeve and drew a gash across my wrist. I winced at the pain, then focused. This was real. Shuffling through the drawer again, I grabbed a red lipstick and began scribbling on the bathroom mirror. "SOS I have Thea's phone ca-" They were getting close. I dropped the lipstick and ran through the other door into Thea's room. I remembered her saying earlier she went to plug in her phone, and I detached it from the charger.

Cracking the screen and the phone in half, I managed to pull out the SIM card, fingers bleeding. I tried to prepare myself as I forced the small piece of plastic down my throat and swallowed. I hid the pieces of the phone in a pillow case, and crawled under the bed. I forced myself to focus, and to stay present. Ray told me Felicity was good with computers and technology, so here's to hoping she could work her magic and find Thea's SIM card location. This was, of course, assuming they took me with them and didn't just kill me straight out.

I started counting again. Forty-two seconds later, footsteps entered the room. I gritted my teeth and tried to silence the scream that emerged as I was yanked from my hiding spot. A man in a black suit and mask dragged me to the living room, where I saw Roy, Maseo, and Oliver being gagged and tied. Small syringes were inserted into their necks, with what I'm guessing was some sort of paralytic concoction. They were conscious, but unable to resist.

"Found this one hiding in the bedroom. What should we do with her?" The man who I'm assuming was in charge comes over to me, gun in hand. Silencer in place, it must be the gun he used to tranquilize the others. He lifted my face up by my chin, and looked me in the eyes. I forced myself not to look away.

"If she was with them, she might know something, or be important to someone. Bag her. Let's move. Before the others come back."

I didn't get tranqed, but I did get tied and gagged. Through the window, down the side of the building, they loaded the four of us into a black van, shackling our feet to the floor and hands to the ceiling. A little excessive, I thought. What in the world could these four guys do to them?

But then in a strange moment I remember Maseo. Moving so gracefully, silently. I looked at him now, across the van from me with the others. He said he grew up in a different culture, and that he worked with Oliver. They were both extremely physically fit, including Roy. Could they be some sort of gang members or something? Black market dealers? Drug cartel? What had she gotten herself into?


	5. Mirakuru and Miracles

Felicity was frantically tapping data into her tablet. They had arrived back upstairs to find everyone missing, and the window broken. Ray had been the first to find the message written on the mirror, and after a quick data search Felicity had found the remaining shards of Thea's phone in her pillow with the SIM card missing. SIM cards were harder to find, but she was doing everything she could to speed the process along. At the moment, Diggle, Thea, and Laurel were out on the streets searching for them. Ray was pacing at her side, back and forth back and forth.

"Have you found them yet?" This was the third time he had asked her.

"Almost, I just have to pin point the last tower-there! I found it! I found them!" She raced for her phone and dialed Diggle's number.

"Dig! I got them. They're heading towards town, on Route 23. They're moving fast, so I'm guessing they're in a truck." She listened as he phoned Laurel and told Felicity to keep watching them, and tell him if they went a different route. He was ten minutes away.

"Where are they taking them? Is this something to do with the Arrow?" Ray was panicking, leaning over her shoulder and staring at the red flashing dot. He had practically been in hysterics when he couldn't find Bennett in the apartment, but had recognized her handwriting on the mirror and that seemed to calm him a little bit. At least she hadn't been killed right away. There was still a chance.

Felicity felt the same worry for Oliver and Roy. How could this have happened? She placed her tablet on the table and turned to wrap her arms around Ray. He stayed still for just a moment, and then fell into her embrace, head leaning on hers.

"They're going to find them, Ray. She's going to be okay. They all are." Felicity wasn't sure if she believed her words, but for now it was the only comfort she could offer Ray.

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In the van, they had assigned one of the men to stay in the back with us. I guess to make sure we didn't escape, although that seemed laughable as all of our hands and feet were handcuffed. I had tried every trick in the book to get out of them, well, except for breaking my own thumb. I wasn't desperate enough for that one yet. They guys were all still paralyzed, although I could see Oliver's fingers twitching. I wondered if he would be able to get out of his handcuffs once he regained function.

I thought of Felicity, and Ray. Poor Ray. He must be frantic. I just got back, and now this. Ray had told her how amazing Felicity was. How good she was with computers and everything else technology related. But now, in a moment of panic, she wondered if that was just his love-blindness talking. Maybe she wasn't as good as he thought she was. The only other person who might know is Oliver, so she braced herself and looked in right in the eyes.

"Is Felicity as good as Ray says she is?" His eyes met hers, at first shocked, then confused. He started to open his mouth to respond, when the man with the gun came around.

"Hey! I said no talking" He walked right up to me. I forced myself to stare him down, even though every single cell in my body was screaming at me to look away and cower. I would not give him that pleasure. "How about I give you something else to do with those lips." I felt my stomach heave as his greasy lips made contact with mine. Panic and disgust washed over me, so I did the only thing I could do in these conditions. I bit down. Hard. I felt my canines burst through his lower lip as his blood filled my mouth with the taste of copper, like I had swallowed a penny. To show him that I wasn't afraid, I spat his pig's blood back in his face. The rest dribbled down my chin, into my white shirt, and I smiled my most ferocious grin. Like a cat who had just brought a dead bird to it's owner. You're welcome, asshole.

He cried in pain, and probably shock, and held his hand to his mouth. He limped back to the front of the van to get a towel, and a syringe with an opaque blue liquid in it.

"I got something real special for you." He gurgled out through his profusely bleeding lip. He raised the syringe to my neck, and I heard Roy of all people screaming "no". I tried to guess what was in the syringe that would make Roy react that way. Would it kill me? No, they would have killed me back at Thea's if they wanted me dead. The paralytic they gave the others? A sedative maybe?

But as he pressed the plunger and the liquid burned through my veins, I immediately realized what it was. A hallucinogen. I only had a few seconds to panic, my hands clenching in a feeble final attempt to get free.

"Enjoy your trip." I heard the greasy man laugh as I slipped into the nightmare awaiting me.

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Oliver fought the drug in his system with every ounce of effort he could, but his muscles wouldn't budge. The van swung around wildly and he tried to map out where they were in his head. They seemed to be heading towards the middle of the city. He glanced at Roy, then Maseo, and finally Bennett. She was the only one of them not paralyzed and she was attempting to free her hands, to no avail. He noticed a ring of blood around her wrist, dripping down into her jacket. He fingers were also bloody, and he wondered if she had tried to scratch the men who captured her. How convenient it was though, that she showed up and a few hours later they were all kidnapped.

He was trying to do the math and figure out when the paralytic would wear off, when he heard her speaking. He looked and was shocked to see she was actually addressing him. His lips moved when he told them to, but before he could produce any words the man in black came up to her, and pressed his lips to hers. Oliver noticed Maseo tensing against his handcuffs beside him, attempting to wake up his sleeping muscles. Much to Oliver's surprise, she bit the man and spit in his face. He felt impressed by this girl, for a moment, but then the man returned with a syringe. Oliver didn't think much of it, until he noticed Roy freaking out next to him.

Upon second glance, Oliver realized what it was. A form of Mirakuru. Now she seemed scared, as if she knew what it was.

"Enjoy your trip." The man leered. A few moments later, she was unconscious. He felt a moment of pity for her. The man went to lick his wounds at the front of the van. Oliver was now able to move his wrists, and some feeling in his arms was returning. He checked that Maseo and Roy also seemed to be able to move a little better. Maybe they had a chance after all.

Suddenly, the van turned a corner sharply to the left, tires squealing. They were all sloshed around the van as they picked up speed, turning left and right too fast. What sounded like a tire exploding was soon followed by familiar noises of arrows being fired. Minutes later, the back door swung open. Diggle in his Arrow outfit seemed relieved that they were all alive. Oliver closed his eyes and hung his head. 'Thank God.' He thought to himself. They had found them somehow. Diggle stepped into the back and took out the man in black. He uncuffed Maseo first, and after finding his legs he went to check on Bennett as Diggle freed the others.

"You guys okay?" Laurel appeared with Thea close behind.

"Roy! Oliver!" She rushed to Roy's side, and he wrapped his weak arms around her.

"We need to get Bennett back to the club. Oliver, do you still have the cure?"

"The cure? What happened?" Thea looked from Roy to Oliver to Bennett.

"We'll explain on the way. Let's get out of here." Diggle released Bennett, and Maseo carried her back to the car.

Oliver still had the gut feeling that something was off with her. He didn't trust her, especially with his secret, but Roy was right. She needed their help. When they arrived at Verdant, Felicity was waiting for them downstairs. Oliver felt relieved at the sight of her, and he thought she would be relieved, too. That he was okay and unharmed. But instead she ran to Bennett with Ray close behind.

"Why is he here? Felicity?" He could hardly believe she had brought Ray here.

"Oliver, this is the worst time to tell you this, but, Ray knows. He figured it out a couple of weeks ago, but I couldn't find the right place to tell you. I'm sorry."

Oliver was furious. Another person, and of all people, Ray Palmer knowing his secret. How could she have done this to him? He tried to hide his pain as he searched through the drawers, looking for the cure for the girl that had changed everything in just one night.

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"Bennett? Benny?" Ray called to her, but she didn't respond. He knew she was alive, but he found himself checking her pulse anyway. Roy had explained to him what Mirakuru was, and briefly what it had done to him. He tried not to panic as he imagined what Bennett was going through.

Oliver angrily shuffled through them and pulled some herbs out of a bag. Crushing them up, he formed a paste that he gave to Maseo to spoon into her mouth. Shortly after, Oliver administered yet another shot, and ordered Maseo to give her another round of the sludge.

"How long will it take?" Ray pushed some of the hair out of Bennett's face. Felicity came around with a damp washcloth and wiped the dried blood and leftover paste from her mouth.

"A few hours, probably. She might wake up sooner." Oliver could really work on his bedside manner. Ray couldn't help but think that much of Oliver's discomfort was due to him. But that was a problem for another time.

"I can't believe I let this happen again. I just got her back." Felicity rubbed his back and it actually comforted him slightly.

"Where was she, Ray?" Felicity asked him softly.

"She was gone, for two years. She was originally in Russia, then I lost contact with her. I thought she was dead, but then I got that call and found out she was in London. Before that, she was found in Iran. But I have no idea where she was before Iran or what happened to her. She won't talk about it." His voice caught and he had to stop. Felicity seemed to understand, and laid her head on his shoulder.

"How did you find us, Felicity?" Roy asked her while Thea sat in his lap.

"Umm, she didn't tell you guys?" Felicity looked at them. They all seemed confused, so she took that as a no. "She wrote on the mirror that she had Thea's phone, but we found the broken pieces hidden in the bedroom. She pulled out the SIM card and I guess she has it in her pocket somewhere. That's how I was able to find you guys so quickly." Ray squeezed Bennett's hand then, thankful she was always quick to think on her feet. If she hadn't of done that, they could all be dead by now. Ray noticed Oliver glaring behind them, but his face of steel seemed to crack momentarily as he heard Felicity's story. That's right, Oliver. Bennett very well might have saved your life.

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Gasping for breath, I awoke on a steel table. The lights were so bright I couldn't even see where I was. My hands and feet were no longer bound, so I rolled myself onto the floor in hopes that I might be able to run, or at least crawl, away. I felt a hand on my back, another on my arm, and tried to roll them off. But they were too strong, and I was still trying to recover from all the horrible things I just lived through. I remembered being injected with the hallucinogen and I could still feel it's remnants clouding my brain and making my muscles move slowly. I didn't stand a chance against these men.

I was so tired. Tired from the drug, tired from the pain, tired of fighting. Would it be so bad, if I gave up now?

In the distance I thought I heard someone calling my name. Someone that sounded like Ray. My brain must be trying to soothe me, prepare me for the horror that was soon to come. My slow moving brain realized I was crying, still gasping for air. A horrible sound escaped my mouth. Something between a moan and wail. God, I was so tired.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed. I was in the in between. It might have been minutes, or maybe hours. But suddenly the lights didn't seem that bright anymore, and I felt arms around me. Soft, strong arms that were familiar. They weren't trying to hurt me, they were trying to soothe me. I blinked a few times, eyes burning. And looked down at the hands squeezing mine. They were Ray's, I even opened them to make sure. Painfully turning my head, I found myself sitting in his lap on the floor in a very strange room.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Please, I'm so sorry, Ray." My throat closed and my eyes stung as a few tears loosened themselves. I couldn't believe what I had done to him. Let him feel like he might loose me again, after everything. He cried too, and I tried to wipe away the tears.

Looking around the room, I saw Oliver, Maseo, Diggle, and Laurel hovering around us. Behind Ray was Felicity, her hand covering her mouth.

"Felicity, you found us."

"Of course I did. Thanks to you, Bennett." She came to hug me, and I welcomed the comfort. "Where did you put it, the SIM card?" She looked at my jacket, like she thought it might have pockets with the card inside.

"Oh, I, uh, I swallowed it. I wasn't sure if they were going to search me or not. I wanted to be sure there was a chance you could find us." I blushed. They did actually search me, but admitting I swallowed a SIM card out loud makes it sound ridiculous.

"You swallowed the SIM card?" Maseo looked at me in shock, and what I hoped wasn't horror. I nodded my head and he looked at Oliver. I braved a glance at him, hoping he'd give me some form of sympathy.

"That's why you asked about Felicity? You wanted to know if she could find us through the card?" I couldn't tell if Oliver was angry. But I simply nodded again.

"I didn't want to say what I had done, in case they dumped me somewhere and left y'all alone." That seemed to surprise him. He ran a hand through his hair, and then walked up the stairs. Maseo following soon after.

Diggle came over and kneeled next to me. He wrapped both of his hands around one of mine, and thanked me for saving his friends. I smiled and squeezed his hand.

"Of course." I felt tired then, like my body had been filled with rocks.

"Ray, I'm so tired." My eyes were already closing. I felt my hands go limp at my sides.

"It's okay, Ben. Sleep. We'll be home when you wake up."

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	6. Secrets and Sorrow

Upstairs at the club, Maseo and Oliver were arguing.

"You should thank her, for what she did."

"Thank her? How do I know this wasn't all her fault in the first place? What if someone had gotten hurt, Maseo? Would you be willing to thank her then?"

"Her fault? Oliver, you and I both know those men were there for us. For the Arrow and his accomplices. And who knows where we would all be if Bennett hadn't been there. We could all be dead by now, or worse. You need to let go of your grudges, and especially your anger towards Ray, since I'm assuming that's what this is really about."

With that Maseo walked away, leaving Oliver behind fuming. Maybe this was all about Ray. He was impressed that Bennett had acted so quickly considering her deteriorated mental state. And that she was willing to risk her life to help save three people she just met that day. Felicity seemed to approve of her, like her even, so maybe she wasn't a horrible person after all.

But forgiving and forgetting was not Oliver's strong suit. He would thank Bennett for her help like Maseo wanted, but he didn't trust her. He would keep her eye on her and find out what she was really up to.

Letting out a sigh, Oliver headed back downstairs. Bennett had fallen asleep again in Ray's arms, and he and Felicity were debating if they should take her to his place or Felicity's.

"She can stay here." Oliver's voice pierced through the rest. Felicity turned to look at him in disbelief. "It's the most logical. Besides, I should check her vitals every now and then. Make sure the drugs are wearing off correctly. You and Felicity should go home, get some rest."

"Thank you, Oliver. Thank you so much." It didn't help that Ray could be such a stand-up guy sometimes, especially around Felicity. Oliver nodded his head in acceptance as he watched Felicity squeeze Ray's shoulder. He turned to occupy himself with the computer as Ray carried Bennett to the cot. He waited for the door to click behind them, then turned his attention to Maseo. He had pulled a blanket from the closet and was covering Bennett, tucking the edges in around her.

"Do you want me to stay? I could help you watch her."

"No, it's alright. I can't sleep anyway. I don't mind." Maseo gathered up his things.

"Alright. But Oliver? Just don't kill her in her sleep or anything." Oliver gave him a look, and Maseo turned and left, closing the door tightly behind him. Finally alone, Oliver took a deep breath and rubbed his temples.

Every thirty minutes or so, Oliver went and checked Bennett's pulse. A little slow, but nothing to be alarmed about. A few hours later, he went to check on her again, this time taking a closer look at her neck and wrists. Definitely some sort of bondage wounds. From the looks of it, it looked like several different occasions with some scared and some fresher, still red.

He started to lift up her jacket sleeve when her eyes opened. He moved his hand and took a step back.

"Oliver?"

"I was just checking your vitals. You're okay."

"Where's Ray?" She tried to sit up slightly, but winced and laid back down.

"Everyone went home to get some rest. I figured it would be best for you to stay here. For convenience and also so I could keep an eye on you. On your vitals, I mean." She laughed a little at this.

"You mean keep an eye on me as in 'make sure I'm not a sociopath who's going to hurt the people you love', way. I understand."

"No, that's not-"

"I saw the way you looked at me tonight. Or yesterday, whatever day it is. It's okay, Oliver. Really. You don't have to like me, or trust me." Her eyes started to close again, as if they were getting too heavy to hold open. "Just know, that I'm not here to hurt anyone, not even you." Her breathing evened out, and Oliver stared blankly at her. How could she have known that's how he felt? Did he really make it that obvious? He didn't know if this made him trust her more, or less.

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_I heard voices calling to me, begging me._

"_Kill me, please. Please kill me!"_

"_My child, you have to help her. You're the only one who can do it."_

"_Her next. Please, please end her pain."_

"_You should have killed her! Why didn't you kill her? She wanted to die and instead look what they did do her! Look what you did to her!"_

Waking up, I realized my face was wet. I had been crying. Recognizing the metal and glass room around me, I remembered where I was. And who was here with me. I silently hoped he was asleep, and hadn't heard or seen me crying, but as I opened my eyes I realized he was hovering nearby me, appearing almost worried.

"Hey." My voice cracked, so I tried to clear my throat. As I saw up in the cot I felt a rush of vertigo and had to hold on to the sides in fear of falling out.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just a little dizzy."

"You were crying. And whimpering."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother me." Oliver didn't reply, only looked down at his feet. His face seemed stonier than usual. As if he was trying twice as hard not to let any emotions out.

"I have nightmares, too." He didn't look up as he spoke to me, so I wasn't one hundred percent sure he even meant to say it out loud.

"About what?" I asked in my softest voice. I decided it was best to treat Oliver like a wild animal: no sudden movements, no loud noises.

"Everything. Things that already happened. Things that might happen. Horrible things most people can't imagine."

"I can. I have those same nightmares. It's easy not to think about them when you're awake, but as soon as you fall asleep they're all there waiting for you."

He didn't seem like he wanted to say anything else, so bracing my legs I stood up. My legs only slightly felt like jell-o, so I took it as a good sign and started walking around the room. As my muscles warmed, I noticed what was in the room. Weapons, bows, arrows, a ton of computers I guessed belonged to Felicity, and hooded outfits in glass boxes.

"I'm guessing this is all stuff you didn't want me to see, huh?" I found Oliver standing right behind me, moving silently just like Maseo. I walked over to the green outfit complete with a hood and bow.

"Not exactly. But Felicity trusts you."

"But you don't." He smiled. Well, half-smiled. "I know, I know. But you don't have to trust me, just trust Felicity. And I won't tell anyone. Not that I have anyone to tell, but I know what it's like to have secrets. I certainly wouldn't want anyone telling mine. What do you do, with all this stuff? Some kind of superhero stuff?"

"You could say that. It started with just me, trying to save this city from the evil and corruption. But along the way I picked up some help, and it turned into all this."

I placed my hand around one of the smaller bows. Brushed the feather arrows through my fingertips. An ache grew in my chest.

"Do you shoot?"

"I used to. My dad, he liked to take me out in the woods when I was younger. He tried to train me to hunt, but I could never bring myself to kill anything, so I just shot down little trinkets he would hide in trees." I tried to force my lips to smile, tried to focus on the happy part of the memory, but my heart hurt.

"Did he teach Ray, too?" I put the arrow down and moved down to inspect some knives. A small voice in my head thought how easy it would be for Oliver to kill me right now, if he wanted to.

"No, uh, it was my real dad who taught me. He died when I was twelve." I traced the outline of a short sword, and found myself anticipating Oliver's response. Would he really not trust me, now?

"Did you love him?" I looked over at him then, surprised by the sincerity in his question.

"Yes, yes I did. He loved me very much. I miss him everyday. But nothing is permanent you know, you have to learn to love and let go. At least that's what I tell myself when it hurts more than it usually does." I tried to smile again, I didn't want him to think I was completely weak and go in for the kill. But when I looked at him, I saw something I didn't expect. I saw myself. The pain and the grief. The lies and the secrets. The loss and despair. I had the strange desire to reach out and comfort him. My arm even moved slightly, my hand lifting towards his face.

But he turned away then. He picked up one of the bows, and handed another to me. Grabbing a quiver he motioned for me to follow him to the practice targets.

"Let's see how good you really are. No squirrels, I promise." I chuckled almost in disbelief. Oliver, joking?

I placed an arrow in it's home in the bow, and tried to lift my arms. My jacket was too constrictive, and after a few moments of debating, I decided to take it off. My shirt still hid most of the scars, but my wrists were visible. I gambled that he had already seen them, especially after I caught him "checking my pulse" earlier.

Raising the bow again, my muscles burned in a way that felt familiar. A took a few breaths, hearing my father's voice in my head guiding me, and released. The arrow slammed into the center, silently and accurately. My father was an amazing shot, and an even better teacher.

"Wow. I'll admit, I'm impressed."

We each took a few more shots, enjoying the sport and the quiet mind it gave you.

Afterwards, we downed some water and ate mildly stale potato chips in silence. At nine, I borrowed Oliver's phone and dialed Ray's number.

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	7. Lemonade and Coins

It had been almost a week now since the "incident" at Thea's birthday happened. Ray finally went back to work after asking me a hundred (if not a thousand times) if I was sure I'd be alright at home alone, and not to worry because Felicity would come to check in on me at lunch.

A little after noon, Felicity showed up as promised with veggie lo mein.

"I'm sorry Ray made you come over, I'm really okay."

"I know you are, but he's worried about you. And if it makes him feel better for me to take an extra hour at lunch to come hang out with you, I'll take it."

"So how long have you known Ray now?"

"Um, it seems like a long time, but I guess it's really not. A few months now, maybe more. But it's been great, you know, working for him. Having an actual job with an actual pay check. And he's pretty easy on the eyes too, which is a bonus. But you probably don't want to hear that-I'm so sorry. I'll shut up now." Felicity readjusted her glasses and stared into her pho. She was so cute.

"No, no it's really okay. He is very handsome, and kind, and smart. I can see why you like him so much." She blushed at this, and seemed to be deciding what to say next.

"Oh, I mean, he's a really amazing boss and…do I really make it that obvious?"

I laughed. "Kind of. But I also knew how he felt about you when I met you, so maybe that just made me pay attention to it more."

"He told you, how he feels about me? What did he say, exactly? I mean…you know."

"It's more how he acts around you. I've seen Ray with other women, he was always so confident and composed, but when it comes to you….well. That all goes out the window. I've never seen him like this before."

She seemed to beam and blush at the same time. We finished up the rest of our lunch in silence.

"Well, I better be getting back. But Ray said he'll be home tonight in time for dinner, hopefully. He'll call if not."

"Okay sounds good." I walked Felicity to the door. "Oh, Felicity?"

"Yes?" She turned around and I wrapped my arms around her.

"Thank you, for everything. I'm so happy to have met you."

"Of course, Bennett. Me too. Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

I watched to make sure she made it in her car okay, then I closed the door and headed back upstairs. I wandered through the library, looking for something to occupy my time and my mind. I had just settled on a dusty old book when the doorbell rang. I assumed it was probably Felicity, having forgotten something here. But when I opened the door, I audibly gasped.

"Hey, I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you. I just came to see if you had already eaten."

"Oliver, uh, please…come in."

I came out of the kitchen carrying two glasses of fresh lemonade. The picture of Oliver sitting on the couch in Ray's living room was almost too weird for me. Given what I knew about his and Felicity's past, and his obvious disdain for Ray, I guessed he had never been here. Or thought he would ever be here, for that reason.

"Did you want something to eat? I can make you some pasta if you want."

"Oh, no, thank you. I'm not that hungry. Thanks." He took the lemonade from me and drank half of it instantly.

"So, is everything alright?" I couldn't fathom why he would show up here. Did he need something from me? Dirt on Ray to give to Felicity, maybe?

"Yes, everything's fine. I just came here to see if, well to see if you wanted to go to lunch first, but also just to…to talk." Wait, what?

"Oh, really? I mean you're welcome anytime obviously, and I'm glad you came. But, what do you want to talk about? Ray? Felicity?"

"No, I uh, I thought maybe you could tell me some more about your dad, and I could tell you about mine."

"Okay. You first."

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Ray angrily fussed with the belt on his A.T.O.M. suit. Things just weren't working as well as he hoped. Felicity had offered to help him, taken back her offer, then ended up helping him anyway all in the last week. He was so close to perfecting it, but even with Felicity's help the suit was still draining power too quickly.

Sighing, he closed the door to his office and headed downstairs. He met Felicity at the car with plans to pick up a couple pizzas and head back to his place.

He was excited to have Felicity over, but worried how Bennett would handle it. Sure he knew they both got along, but he didn't want her to feel like the third wheel or anything.

He caught Felicity fixing her hair while walking up his front steps, and grabbed her hand softly to calm her.

"You look beautiful." She blushed the most wonderful shade of pink.

"Thank you." Ray slid his key into the lock and opened the door.

"Bennett? It's me. And Felicity. We brought pizza!" Ray turned the corner into the living room, Felicity's hand still in his, and almost dropped the pizzas out of his other hand. Oliver was here, laughing, with Bennett. "Bennett? What's, uh, what's going on?"

"Oliver?" Felicity seemed just as surprised as he was.

"Hey guys, Oliver stopped by earlier. I guess I didn't realize how late it was. Do you want to stay for pizza?" Ray was growing more confused by the second.

"Umm, I probably should be getting home."

Not wanting to be a rude host, Ray insisted Oliver stay for at least one slice.

A few minutes later, everyone was seated around the dining table, eating their greasy pizza in silence.

"So, Ray how was your first day back at work?"

"Great. Busy, but great. I heard you and Felicity had a good time at lunch."

"Yes, we did. It was so nice of you to come, Felicity." Silence again. Everyone seemed uncomfortable, except Bennett.

"Anyone need a refill?" Bennett got up and went to the kitchen to grab some more wine.

Felicity immediately grilled Oliver. "What are you doing here, Oliver? How did you even know where Ray lived?"

"I know how to work a computer, too, Felicity." He didn't say the words harshly, but Felicity still looked taken aback. "And I just came to check up on her. Make sure the Mirakuru really was out of her system."

"So you just decided to Google Ray's address, pop in, and then stay all day? What in the world did you two talk about? You and she barely even say two words half the time-"

Bennett came back then, balancing two bottles of wine and an extra glass in her hands. Oliver shot up and reached for one of the bottles before she dropped one.

"Thanks, I think I was a little over ambitious there."

Ray watched, intrigued, as Bennett smiled, laughed, and joked with Oliver. He hadn't seen her act this way, or this happy, since she came home. Ray glanced over to Felicity to see if she was noticing this change in Bennett, but instead he saw her intrigue was with Oliver. Suddenly, Ray didn't feel so hungry anymore.

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Felicity left Ray's apartment feeling strange. Ray and Bennett had both asked her to stay the night, but the night was just too weird. She needed to go home alone and think about it. Oliver had left shortly before she did after getting a call from Diggle. The Arrow was needed. But before he left, he had hugged Bennett goodbye. A few days ago, Oliver looked at Bennett like she was a bug stuck to the bottom of his shoe, and now he came to see her and hugged her goodbye?

And what about the way he was acting? All smiley and laughing. The way he looked at Bennett when she wasn't looking at him. He hadn't glared at Ray one time the whole night. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with Felicity? Why did she care so much? She wasn't actually jealous…was she?

Ray was amazing. So gorgeous, so smart, so funny. He was willing to tell her everything. No secrets. That was already more than Felicity ever got from Oliver in all the time she knew him. She should be happy. She would be happy.

At home, she turned on a cheesy romantic comedy and tried to forget how weird the night had been.

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The next day passed slowly. Felicity didn't come to see me at lunch, nor did Ray. When he wasn't home for dinner, I called his cell to see if I should wait for him to eat or not. He told me he and Felicity had a meeting with the mayor or someone, so I decided to make some mac and cheese. I had just finished packing up the leftovers with a note for Ray to eat them when the phone rang. The caller ID read it was Felicity.

"Hey, Felicity. What's up-"

"Bennett? You need to get to the hospital. Now."

"Felicity? What's going on?" I was already searching for my boots, frantically tying the laces.

"It's Ray. Bennett, he's been shot." My stomach fell and my ears started ringing. I could hear Felicity saying something else on the phone, but I had already dropped it and ran for the door. I raced downstairs and headed for the hospital. It was a few miles away, but I didn't care. I knew I couldn't stand to idly sit in a cab. This way was probably faster anyway. I didn't stop, not even at street crossings-narrowly missing a few drivers-until I made it to the hospital.

"I'm looking for Ray Palmer."

"Bennett!" I turned and found Felicity with an older looking woman in a tight dress.

"Felicity, what happened."

"Ray's in surgery now. There was a shooter on the roof. I don't know, I don't know what happened or how it happened but suddenly Ray was pushing me out of the way and then he was bleeding. I'm so sorry, Bennett, I'm so sorry. I don't know, I don't know." The older woman rubbed Felicity's arms, and my shocked mind took in that they looked similar. Her mother.

I couldn't manage any words. So instead I found the first bathroom I could. My breathing was uneven, my mind was unfocused. The feeling came back, in a wave. In a dark cloud that overcame me both silently and abruptly. I looked at myself in the mirror and splashed some cold water on my face, trying to slow my speeding heart. Breathe, just breathe. I reminded myself over and over again.

I left the waiting room and went to sit by Felicity and her mom. Felicity grabbed my hand, and I squeezed it in hopes that she would know I wasn't mad at her, nor did I blame her.

After what felt like a lifetime, the doctor came to tell us that Ray was stable for now. Which was never a good sign. He was sleeping now, but when he was awake we could go back and see him.

"Ray!" Felicity and I entered his room a few hours later. Felicity crying, running to his side. I hung back. Taking in all the tubes and wires connected to him. The constant beeping and whirring of machines, grating on my nerves. Memories of the hospital in London surfaced, unwanted. I clenched my fist, pressing my nails into my palm.

"Bennett, I'm okay. It's okay." I walked over to his side, and hung my head onto his good shoulder. I thought I would cry, but no tears came. I felt his hand twisting into my hair. And I closed my eyes.

The doctor came by the next morning to give us the news. Blood clot in the brain. Another operation was out of the question. But Ray had some kind of nano technology that he had invented. He had never tried it before, and I was hesitant if it would actually work. I knew he was a genius, but even genius ran trials on their experiments.

Around noon, I left his room to go for a walk outside. I needed the fresh air. Around the back of the hospital was a small park, complete with a fountain and little benches lined up around it. I sat down in one of them, turning my face up towards the sun.

"Mind if I sit down?" I didn't have to open my eyes. I knew who it was by his voice, and by the way my lips creased into a smile.

"I suppose not." Opening them, I saw Oliver in a dark green shirt.

"I went and checked on Ray. He told me you were out here."

"Did he tell you, about the clot?"

"Felicity filled me in. I'm so sorry." Oliver squeezed my hand, and I felt pangs of sadness when he let go.

"He has some kind of tiny robots or something that he thinks can break up the clot in his brain, but I'm worried. What if it kills him instead?"

"I guess you'll just have to let him decide what he thinks is best."

We watched some children throw coins into the fountain, and I remembered a time many years ago.

"_Come on, Bennett. Make a wish!"_

"_I'm supposed to make a wish, on a penny, and throw it into a fountain of water?"_

"_Yes! Make it a good one, too."_

"_And everyone does this? Make a wish on a coin? Is it the coin or the fountain that is supposed to make my wish come true?"_

"_Both, I guess! Just do it, what could it hurt?" Ray smiled goofily at me, as he always did. The concept of having him as a brother was still so new to me. I had been adopted by his parents several months ago, but he was away at college and I had only met him a few times. This was our first time hanging out alone together. I think he was trying hard to be the "cool big brother". Ice cream, arcades, and now this. A magical fountain. _

_Leaning over the edge, I saw thousands of pennies mixed with a few dimes and nickels in the fountain, and assumed he must be telling the truth._

_So I turned around, closed my eyes, and wished that I wouldn't lose this brother, too._

_I threw the penny over my shoulder, and after hearing the "plunk" of it hitting the water, Ray clapped his hands together and laughed again._

"_Finally! You did it! What did you wish for?"_

"_Can't tell you. Then it won't come true, right?"_

Now, I had the strange urge to put a penny into this fountain, and make the same wish again. I wasn't sure if every fountain was lucky, or if you could make the same wish twice, but I didn't feel like there was anything else I could do.

I was seriously debating on asking Oliver for a coin, when his phone rang. Felicity wanted us to come back to the room. Ray's clot was gone. He was healed.

On the way back to the room, I took one last glance at the fountain.


	8. Knives and Proclamations

_A/N: Sorry it's taken me awhile to update! Been busy taking finals and such. Hope you enjoy! As always, I don't own any of the characters. Please review and tell me your thoughts! _

It was dark, and after a few minutes my jacket was already soaked. The rain was coming down hard, making it hard to see where I was going. I had checked the club, but he wasn't there. I decided to try their apartment. But I guess I made a wrong turn somewhere, and I ended up in an unfamiliar part of town.

The street lights were flickering, and I thought I heard what sounded like a gun shot in the distance. Moving the hair from my eyes, I tried to find a building or street sign to orient myself. Behind me, I heard someone's boots sloshing through the puddles of murky water.

"You lost, honey?" Turning, I saw a transient looking man in his late forties.

"Oh, no. Just waiting for my boyfriend." My body told me to lie. I wasn't sure, but I thought I saw the outline of a knife in this guy's pocket.

"Well, he's not here now, is he?" The man smiled a half-toothed grin, and I took a step back. When his hand reached into his pocket, I turned to run, but he was fast. The knife was at my throat before I knew what happened.

I reached for his arm, digging my nails in, trying to move the knife from my throat.

"Don't me like that, baby. I'm just tryna have a good time."

"Go to hell." I managed to get his arm off me, but he slammed my head into the brick wall beside us. Through the rain and my now spinning mind, I could barely even see where he was. I felt the knife at my throat again, and felt his dirty hand slide down my pants. No. This was not going to happen.

The animal part of me kicked in, and I used every ounce of strength I had, fueled by anger and fear. I grabbed his groping hand, and twisted like my dad taught me. The man yelped in agony, and a smile touched my lips. I ripped the knife from his hand and planted it firmly into his thigh, inches from his groin.

"Next time you think about doing this to someone, remember this moment. I'll make sure you never use the lower half of your body again."

He crumpled to the ground, shouting obscenities at me, but I was already racing down the street. I stumbled here and there. My right eye was clouded by a stream of blood, but I kept going. I knew I wouldn't make it far. I was already struggling to control my heart beat.

Just when I stopped to catch my breath, I felt myself start to hyperventilate. Grabbing a street sign for support, a small part of my brain took the time to read the sign. I was on his street. Mustering up the last of my strength, I ran the few blocks to his apartment, and rang the doorbell, praying someone was home.

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_Diiing! Dooong!_

Oliver groaned as he rolled over in his bed. 3:47 a.m. Who in the world was here? Thea was staying at Roy's, so he doubted it was her. He debated taking his bow downstairs, but decided if someone wanted to kill him they wouldn't have used the doorbell. Downstairs, Oliver peered through the peep hole. When he saw a bleeding, soaking wet Bennett, his fingers frantically opened the locks.

"Bennett! What happened?"

"Can I come in?" Oliver grabbed her arm and helped her to the couch.

"Here, sit down. You're bleeding. Let me look at your head." Bennett winced as he wiped some of the blood off to check her wound. It was bad. "You're going to need a couple of stiches. I'll get my kit and a blanket. I'll be right back, okay?" He waited until she nodded her head, and then he ran upstairs, grabbing what he needed and returning to her side.

He pulled out a dose of lidocaine to ease the pain before he stitched her up.

"No, don't. Please. Just do it. I don't need any pain meds."

"Are you sure? It's going to hurt a little bit."

"I can take it." He asked her one more time, and then placed the first stitch. She winced a few times, but other than that she held up pretty well. After the final stich was tied, he asked her again.

"Bennett, what happened tonight?" Her eyes seemed glazed as she stared at the floor.

"I went to Verdant, but you weren't there. So I was going to come here, but the rain…I guess I got lost…I ended up somewhere I didn't know." She paused, he wasn't sure but she seemed like she might cry. "There was a man. He…he tried to…I don't know but I stabbed him, Oliver. I just stabbed him. What if he's dead?" She looked him in the eye now, tears visibly falling down her face. He felt anger boiling inside of him. He didn't know who this man was, but he selfishly wished he were dead. Bleeding out alone somewhere in the street for what he had tried to do to Bennett.

Oliver grabbed Bennett's hands, one in each of his.

"Whatever happened wasn't your fault, Bennett. You did what you had to do. All that matters is that you're okay. You're safe now. I won't let anyone hurt you."

"I've killed people before, Oliver. To survive. Just like I probably killed this man. Why is my life worth more than all of theirs?" He didn't have an answer for her, since he didn't have an answer for himself. He had been asking himself this same question for years now. Were their lives really worth less than his? Did he deserve to live, if it meant they had to die?

Instead of trying to come up with a fake answer, he sat down next to her and pulled her close to him, holding her while she cried.

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Ray was again tinkering with his suit. He just couldn't get it right for some reason. How could he design a cure for brain clot, but not this? Even with Felicity's help, it wasn't enough. He needed an expert. He thought of the friends Felicity had told him about. Barry Allen and STAR labs. Maybe they could help him.

He checked his watch, and realized it was almost two in the morning. Late night in the office didn't even begin to cover it. He gathered up his things, and left the office. He had started out driving back to his place, but somehow found himself outside Felicity's apartment. He wasn't going to knock on the door, until he noticed her bedroom light was still on. He could see the flickering light from the TV.

Ray didn't give his brain time to figure out what he was doing and stop him. He walked right up to her door and rang the bell. Thankfully, it only took her a minute to come to the door. She was in her PJs.

"I love you." Ray said it. He couldn't believe he said it out loud, but he did. He didn't want to wait any longer. Couldn't wait any longer. He had to say it now. Tonight. Who knows what could happen tomorrow.

"What?" Felicity looked stunned. She even pinched herself on the arm to try and wake herself up.

"I, Ray Palmer, love you, Felicity Smoak." Ray held his breath and waited for her response. There was no way she could deny it now. When she just stared at him, he started to freak out. What if she didn't love him back? What if he seemed like a total lunatic, out in the rain at two a.m. proclaiming his love to her?

Right when he really started to panic, Felicity grabbed him and pulled him into her tiny apartment. Her lips enveloped his.

"I love you, too."

Ray's heart threated to beat right out of his chest.

"Stay the night with me." Felicity purred into his ear.

And he did.

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In the morning, Oliver took me back to Ray's place. I felt bad that I had woken him up so late last night in such a pitiful state.

"I really am sorry, Oliver. About last night. It was so stupid of me."

"No, no you're not stupid. You can come to me, anytime. About anything. I'm just glad you're okay. I'm going to have Felicity check the hospitals, see if anyone came in with a knife wound. I'll make sure he never does this to anyone again."

"Just…be careful. And please don't tell Felicity, or Ray, about last night. He already worries about me. He'll never let me out of his sight again if he knows."

"What are you going to tell him then?"

"As close to the truth as I can. Maybe that I had a flashback and hurt my head, then called you after to come stitch it up? Will you be my alibi?" I grinned, but the muscle movement pulled on my wound. "Ow."

"You sure you don't want some pain medicine?"

"No, thank you. I uh, I don't take any painkillers anymore. In Iran they addicted us to a street form of heroin. I'm still trying to recover. It helps to avoid any drugs and alcohol, though."

"I have something that might help you, if you ever want it. Something I found on the island." Oliver had told me some things about the island. About Sara. And some of the ways they tortured his body and mind. He even told me about a woman named Shado that he had loved. I didn't usually ask questions. Just waited for him to tell me what he wanted to, and he did the same for me. It had been so nice lately having Oliver around. He made me feel human. He was the only person I knew who didn't look at me with pity, but understanding.

We pulled up to the place and Ray was just walking up to the door…with Felicity.

"Well, there goes half my lie."

"Bennett? Oliver? What's going-oh my god! Bennett! What happened to your head?"

"Oh, I'm okay, really. I just got a little lost and bumped my head. I called Oliver and he gave me a ride back to his place. He was even kind enough to stitch me up." I smiled up at him silently begging him to corroborate my story.

"It was nothing, really. I'm just glad I was at home and heard my cell ringing so late."

I looked back at Ray and was pleased that he seemed to believe the lie. Felicity, on the other hand, seemed oddly on edge.

"And then you stayed the night as his place?"

"I didn't want to put her in the car while her stitches were still setting. Thea was at Roy's so I had an extra room. It just made sense."

"Well, I'm glad you're okay now. Go upstairs and back a bag though. We're going on a road trip!" Ray seemed excited. It made me wary.

"Road trip? To where, exactly?"

"Central City!"

"You're going to see Barry? Is everything okay?" I wasn't sure who Barry was or how Oliver knew him, but I had heard someone talking about Central City before. I think Felicity had friends there.

"Yeah, everything's fine. We just need a favor and I haven't seen Barry and Kaitlyn in a while so it seemed like a good idea."

"Well, be careful. And tell everyone I said hello." Oliver squeezed my hand and then walked back to his car and drove off, seeming tense.

"Okay! Go pack."

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Seeing Bennett come back with Oliver had put Felicity on edge, and she hated herself for it. She loved Ray. And he loved her. So why did she still hate the idea of Oliver being with someone else? She was being selfish. She couldn't be with Oliver, so she didn't want anyone else to be with him either.

On the way to Central City, she had a terrible idea, that just might work. She thought of how great Barry was, and how she would have loved to date him if they had had the right chemisty. But he deserved to be happy, too. And so did Bennett, she supposed. So why not hook the two of them up?

It was cruel, and she knew it. She knew she was only doing it so that Bennett wouldn't be with Oliver. But she just wasn't ready to let him go, yet.

She looked over at Bennett, and decided that yes, she would be a good match for Barry. She was pretty, smart, and kind. A little mysterious and beat up, albeit, but in a charming way.

Settling further into her seat, she was both excited and anxious about arriving in Central City.


	9. Saviors and Stings

_A/N Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! I appreciate the feedback, and am glad that a few of you are really enjoying it. I'm writing this for me, so I'm really happy that others are getting enjoyment out of it as well. Let me hear your thoughts! _

Central City was different than Starling. It had more of a small town feel to it. There was plenty of people, don't get me wrong, but they didn't seem as rushed as everyone in Starling did.

Pulling up to STAR labs, Felicity told Ray and I to wait downstairs while she went and told Barry we were here.

"How's your head?" Ray fidgeted with the stitches Oliver had done.

"Fine. Better if you'd get your dirty fingers out of it." I playfully slapped his hand away from my face.

"You would tell me right, if you weren't okay? I mean, if things were too much, inside your head…you'd let me know, wouldn't you?" Surprised by the seriousness of his question, I wasn't sure what to say. I knew Ray was worried about me, but he had never asked me anything like this before. He was always so careful about not bringing anything up that might offend me, or trigger me.

"Things have always been 'too much' inside my brain, Ray, you know that. But I can handle it. It's hard, and I haven't really dealt with any of it yet, not really. But I'm trying to find a way to both move on and come to terms with everything."

"And Oliver, he's uh, helping with that?" His gaze drifted down to his shoes, as it usually did when he talked 'boys' with me. I smiled.

"Yeah. Yeah, he is." I expected him to be happy, or a little relieved, that I was getting help from somewhere. But instead, he seemed sadder. His eyes tightened and he only slightly shook his head. "What's wrong?"

"No, nothing."

"Ray."

"It's just, it's stupid really. I'm being inconsiderate and selfish."

"How? You've been there for me for almost ten years now."

"That's the whole point!" I was taken aback slightly by his tone of voice. He seemed…angry with me. "I've been there for you! But now, you've run off and found someone else to confide in instead. When it should be me, Ben, it should be me that you feel safe enough to talk to. I just don't understand what I did wrong or-oh, please don't cry. I didn't want to make you cry, Ben."

I had been trying so hard not to hurt him. Everything I did, or didn't do, I was thinking of him. I didn't even see it until now but I was already hurting him, by making him believe I didn't trust him with my secrets. I tried to wipe the tears before they fell, but it was a feeble attempt.

"I never wanted this, Ray. I tried so hard not to hurt you." He opened his mouth to speak but something behind me caught his eye. Felicity. With a crowd of people. Trying and failing again to wipe my eyes, Ray went over to shake hands with one of the men.

"Bennett, is everything okay?" Felicity placed her hand on my arm.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine." I swallowed the lump in my throat and packed up the pain in my heart away with everything else.

'Okay, well guys, this is my boyfriend. Ray Palmer. And Bennett, his sister. Ray needs your help." Confused, I looked to Ray but he wasn't looking at me.

"Hi, I'm Cisco. It's a pleasure to meet you." A boy, or rather young man, came up to me, hand outstretched.

"Likewise." I also met Kaitlyn, Dr. Wells in his chair, and Barry.

We rode the elevator up to the lab, Ray carrying a rather large box on a dolly. I wanted to ask him what it was, but things felt weird between us. We hadn't resolved our discussion earlier. I felt awkward, and out of place.

"This is what I need your help with. Cisco, I think you will find this interesting." Ray opened the box and Cisco's eyes lit up. I managed a peek into the box, and saw what looked like a body inside. A metal body. A suit. What in the world has Ray been up to? Is this what he's been staying at work late for? I still didn't feel ready to ask questions. I felt like I was intruding. As the guys started rattling off data and tech specs, Felicity took Barry aside. I suddenly felt like the kid in the lunchroom with no friends who had to go eat their lunch in the bathroom.

I made my way through a separate room off to the side with some computers and gadgets in it. Drawn as always to the windows, I took a peak outside. The glass seemed thick and tinted, so I couldn't really see out. It made me feel claustrophobic. Trapped. I closed my eyes and tried to take deep, slow breaths.

My hands hate being idle, so I started pilfering through some gadgets on the table.

"Are you a techie, as well, Bennett?" I turned to see Dr. Wells sliding down a ramp into the room. He seemed nice, but something in his eyes bothered me. Maybe it was the way he looked at me like he was dissecting me. Pulling apart my cells and peering in the cracks between.

"Oh, not really. I know basic stuff, maybe a little more from hearing Ray talk, but I didn't go to school for it or anything."

"Did you go to school for something else?"

"Umm, I took a few semesters out west. I never decided on a major, but I was thinking about going to law school eventually."

"Law school. Wow. Impressive. Why'd you stop going?"

"I took a few years off. Being in school, sitting in a classroom all day, didn't feel like enough."

"Ah, yes. I know what that feels like."

"Dr. Wells! Get in here!" Kaitlyn called from the main room.

"Excuse me." He glided back up the ramp and everyone hovered around the computer screens. I slowly entered the room and tried to gather what the commotion was about.

"They're not actually bees, they're robots. Look."

"Do we know where they came from? Or what kind of frequency they run on?"

Cisco and Felicity debated back and forth.

Barry seemed agitated. He snapped at Felicity.

"Ray, why don't you stay here with Cisco and work on your suit. Barry, Bennett, why don't we go get some coffee?" I didn't think Barry really wanted to go anywhere, but he looked at me, then agreed. A few blocks away there was a coffee shop that both of them seemed familiar with. "Why don't you two go get us a table and I'll order some drinks."

I was unsure about being alone with Barry, but I didn't really know what else to do. He picked a spot in the corner, thankfully by a window.

"So, how do you like Central City?" He smiled down at me. He had the look on his face. The pitiful, wary, over-careful look. I mentally groaned at the memory of Felicity pulling Barry aside. Was it to tell him what a damaged lunatic I was?

"Well I haven't really seen a lot of it yet, but I like what I have seen so far. Did you grow up here?"

"Yup. It's a really great place. Where did you and Ray grow up?"

"Uh-" Thank God Felicity showed up then carrying three coffees and I didn't have to answer and awkward question.

"Sorry it took so long. They made the wrong drink the first time."

"Thank you, Felicity."

Barry and Felicity chatted about different things. About people and places I didn't know. A man in the back corner of the shop caught my eye. He was reading the paper with a baseball hat on. I found it odd someone would wear a hat indoors while trying to read.

A barista dropped a mug on the way to the kitchen, and Felicity immediately turned to me and grabbed my arm.

"You okay?" Unfortunately, I think I scarred her from the vase incident. Now she thought I was just as fragile as the glass was.

"Yeah, I'm good." Felicity glanced at Barry, who glanced at me, and then back to his coffee.

"So, Barry, are you going to tell me why you've been acting so weird? What's going on with you?"

"What? It's nothing. It's just work…stuff…you know." He looked at me, then back to Felicity, who looked at me, then back to him.

"Oh, you can tell Bennett. She knows about Oliver and the gang." My stomach felt strange at the sound of Oliver's name. Maybe it was just the coffee.

"What? Does she know about the Flash?"

"Barry is the Flash, Bennett." Felicity rolled her eyes, and brushed it off like this was common knowledge.

"I'm sorry, the Flash? Do you work with Oliver?"

I got a brief explanation of their past, and how Barry became the Flash and started working with the group at STAR labs. It was a lot to take in. But I suppose no more than Ray having a secret suit he was working on.

"Excuse me, I'm going to use the restroom." There was a second door out of the restroom into the street, and for a brief moment I let myself fantasize about running out of it. Running down the street, past STAR labs, past Ray, past Central City, past Starling City, past everything and everyone I knew. I wasn't sure where I was running to. All I knew was what I was running away from.

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Felicity listened as Barry told her about Dr. Wells, and how he suspected him of killing his mother. It was a lot to take in.

"I don't understand, he's been helping you! Why would he have killed your mom?"

"I know. That's why I'm having such a hard time with all of this. I just don't understand any of it." Barry ran his hands through his hair, as he often did when he was stressed. Felicity didn't have any idea how to console him. If Dr. Wells really did kill Nora, then the past several months Barry had spent with him had all been a lie.

Bennett came back from the bathroom, looking tired.

"How's your head?"

"Fine. I've had worse." Bennett strained as she tried to smile at them. Yes, she probably had had much, much worse. Felicity stole a peak at Barry to see if he was looking at Bennett. He was. She tried to decipher his face and see if he was interested in her, but she couldn't tell. She felt a slight singe of guilt when she caught herself hoping he was into Bennett. Her intentions were less to make Barry happy and more to keep Oliver out of the picture. Her guilt trip was interrupted when Barry's phone rang.

"It's Kaitlyn, they found something out about the bees."

"Let's go."

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Back at the lab, the guys and Kaitlyn were discussing something about radio frequencies and nanobytes, so I occupied myself elsewhere. I thought of what they were trying to accomplish here at STAR labs, and with the Flash. Saving people. Protecting the city. The same thing Oliver was trying so hard to do.

It was something I had tried to do also. Except it wasn't just a city, it was an entire population. All the women and children bought and sold everyday to horrible men with no conscience or souls. I saw flashes of their faces in my mind, and a shiver ran through my body. There were all out there helpless now without me fighting for them. Alone, and invisible to the rest of the world that chose to focus more on celebrities and diet plans.

The familiar pain of anger coursed through me. Boiling my blood and squeezing my heart until it hurt. My hands shook so I clenched them into fists. I had a fleeting thought that I had never had before.

"_I wish Oliver was here._" I wasn't sure how I felt about it, or what it meant. But I wondered if he had ever had that same thought about me.

"Bennett." I turned to see Ray behind me. "We're going after the bees."

"We? What do you mean?"

"I'm going to help." Help? What in the world was he going to do? The image of the metal suit surfaced.

"That's what the suit's for?" Surely he wasn't serious.

"Yes." I guess he was. No way was I letting him do this alone.

"I'm coming with you." I heard him protesting behind me, but I walked around him and joined the others. Barry was already gone.

It took some convincing, but they finally agreed that I could come as long as I stayed in the van with Cisco.

So there I was. Begrudgingly doing nothing in the van.

"Uh, Cisco, I can't stop myself." Ray's voice cracked over the speakers.

"We can stop you. We'll catch you, in the van. Turn left on 52nd."

"Catch him? What do you mean catch him?"

"You'll see." Cisco moved to the back of the truck and opened up the back doors. A few moments later, Ray crashed into the back along side him.

"It worked! Yes!" Kaitlyn stopped the car and we all got out.

"Ray! Are you alright?" I rushed to his side. He removed the helmet and I checked to make sure he wasn't hurt.

"I'm fine. Nice driving, Kaitlyn."

"Thanks, I guess."

I heard a slight buzzing sound near my left ear. I turned just in time to see a final robotic bee flying straight for Cisco.

"Cisco!" I bolted forward, trying to push him out of the way when I felt it. The stinger plunged into my neck and the toxin oozed into my bloodstream. Within seconds I was paralyzed, and a few seconds later I felt my consciousness slipping.

"Bennett! Benny! Cisco, Kaitlyn, do something!" Ray's voice was the last thing I remembered.

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	10. Blood and Wire

Oliver headed back to Verdant after watching Bennett leave for Central City. He was supposed to be meeting Maseo here, but Verdant was empty. He decided to take this time to train, and to blow off some steam.

An hour later, Maseo finally showed up.

"Want a partner?"

"Depends. What did you need to talk to me about?" Maseo had sounded urgent on the phone. And now, with the look of gloom and doom on his face, Oliver was worried.

"Maybe I should wait until Diggle and everyone is here."

"Or you could tell me now, and then I'll decide if I want to include them later. What is it? Is it Tatsu?"

"No," Maseo's eyes tightened at the mention of her name, as they always did. "A cop was killed last night. By this." Maseo pulled an arrow from his bag. An arrow that looked identical to the ones Oliver used.

"That's impossible." Oliver was with Bennett last night. He wasn't out killing cops. Neither were any of his friends.

"You know who did this, Oliver."

No. Oliver couldn't believe it. There was no way. He had come home from Nanda Parbat. He wouldn't come here, to Starling City. What reason did he have?

"Why?"

"He's trying to turn the city against the Arrow. Against you."

Oliver felt like he was falling. Deeper. And deeper into the darkness. How could this be happening? The worst part was, he knew this would only be the beginning.

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Barry was headed back to STAR Labs when Cisco's panicked voice crackled over his radio.

"Barry! You need to get here. Now!"

"Ciscos? What's going on?" Barry was already headed straight for their location, but he wanted to know what he was running into.

"It's Bennett. She's been stung."

Barry picked up the pace. A few moments later, he found Bennett unconscious on the ground with Ray on top of her. He was meticulously counting seconds, breaths, pumping her chest. CPR. Her heart had stopped.

"Barry do something!" Kaitlyn cried out to him, but he wasn't sure what to do. He had a crazy idea. A crazy idea that just might work.

"Get back." He had to pull Ray off of her. He placed his hands over her still figure, right above her heart. A jolt of electricity burst from his hands into her chest. When nothing happened, he tried a second time. This time, her eyes opened and she took a ragged breath.

"Barry?" Her eyes searched his, confused.

"Bennett! Oh my God, oh my God." Ray came over and held her. "Thank God you're okay. Well, Barry. Thank you, Barry. You saved her."

"What happened?" Ray helped Bennett sit up. She put her hand to her neck.

"You passed out, and then your heart stopped beating. But Barry, he brought you back. He saved your life." Ray came over and embraced him.

"It was nothing, really."

Bennett stood up and walked over to him. She pulled his hood from his face. He felt bare and exposed, but not just because his mask was off. The way Bennett looked at him, at everyone really, it was like she could see past all the masks you put up. It was like she could see all your flaws, all your secrets, and when she smiled at you, you knew that everything was okay. Everything that had happened to you, everything you had done, she still saw something good in you.

She didn't say anything to him. Just wrapped her strong arms around him. After he returned the embrace, she finally whispered into his ear.

"Thank you, Barry Allen." Not the Flash. The Flash hadn't saved her. Barry Allen did. And it felt good.

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Riding the elevator up to STAR Labs, I noticed Cisco hadn't spoken to me since the incident. His bubbly personality seemed dampened. Kaitlyn insisted on checking all of her vitals, so she followed her into the smaller room.

"That was really brace. What you did. Saving Cisco. Thank you." Kaitlyn smiled up at her, holding a tablet in her hand. She picked up a scanner and ran it over my face and chest.

"I think he's mad at me. He has barely even looked at me since we got back."

"He's probably just in shock, he really hates bees. I think this whole thing just shook him up." Maybe she was right. Maybe I was over reacting. She inspected the sting on my neck, digging a cotton swap into it. I couldn't help it, I flinched away from her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." She took the swap and placed it in a plastic tube. "Can I, uh, do you mind, I mean, if I ask you a question?" I already knew what she was going to ask, but I nodded my head anyway. "These scars on your neck, some of them are older than others, but they all seem to be the same. Like they were made from the same device, or instrument." Well, I thought she was going to ask how I got them, so maybe this was a little easier.

"It was a copper wire. It's a good restraint, cheap, pliable. Plus it conducts electricity extremely well which is an added bonus." She fiddled with her tablet, avoiding my gaze.

"So it was used against your will then, like, uh-"

"Torture?" Her eyes flitted up to mine, then down to her tablet. She blushed. I knew how hard it was for people to say the word. Torture. It was so taboo, so not talked about.

"Uh, yes. I'm sorry, if I'm being rude. I don't mean to pry."

"No, it's okay. I understand. I would ask questions, too. It's just that it's all pretty recent, you know. It's so fresh and still healing that I'm not ready to talk about things yet. I still have episodes, flashbacks, memories I don't want to have."

"Post-traumatic stress disorder. I get it. And from what I can see, it's understandable. And totally normal. I just hope you know, that if you ever need or want to talk to an objective third party, I'll be here."

"Thank you. I really appreciate it." With a clean bill of health, Kaitlyn left me alone to change clothes. In the bathroom, I checked the wound on my neck. There was a circular bruise with a tiny dimple in the center. Kaitlyn had told me it should clear up in a week or two.

I rinsed my hands, and cleared some dirt from my shirt. Glancing back up to the mirror to check my reflection, I saw a man, covered in blood, standing right behind me. I immediately spun around, but he was already gone. My heart rate felt as if it had tripled, and my chest was struggling to pump air in and out. My legs shook, and I slipped to the floor. I kept seeing him in my mind, then I heard the voices.

"_Look what you've done! This is your fault! How could you do this? Why couldn't you just kill him?" _I squeezed my hands over my ears, trying feebly to shut them out.

I saw flashes of children. They're tiny hands reaching for me through the bars of their cell. Women crying, bleeding. Men with no eyes. No fingers. I was going to throw up.

I tried to crawl closer to the toilet, but nothing came. My stomach clenched and unclenched as a stabbing pain ripped through me.

I couldn't hold it in any longer. I laid on the bathroom floor, still trying to block out their voices, the images in my head, and waited for it to be over.

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"How is she?" Ray questioned Kaitlyn as she rejoined the group.

"She's fine. She's just changing back into her clothes."

Ray was so relieved. He couldn't even bear to remember just an hour ago, standing over Bennett's still body. Pumping the blood through her body after her heart had quit. He knew this superhero stuff was no joke, but he hadn't been prepared for that. He had to do more. He had to try harder, be better.

"Cisco, did you manage to fix the device?"

"Huh, oh, yeah. It's just over here. I think you'll find it's up to par. I was able to double the capacity without increasing the size."

"That's perfect. Wow. You really are amazing, Cisco."

He seemed a little off, but Ray contributed it to the events they had just lived through.

"Kaitlyn, why don't you go check on Bennett, make sure she's okay. It's taking her awhile in there." Dr. Wells wheeled into the room.

"Yeah, of course." Ray noticed Barry become more tense as soon as Wells entered the room. He immediately started typing things into a computer with Felicity.

"Ray! Get in here!" Kaitlyn called him from the bathroom. He ran to her, and found Bennett crumpled on the floor, her hands covering her ears.

"It's okay, I got it. Can you get her some water, please?" Ray knelt down next to her, pulling her into his lap. This he at least knew how to deal with. This happened fairly often. Usually at night. He would find her on the floor next to her bed. Trapped inside the horrors in her head. She usually just needed a little coaxing back to reality.

"Shh, you're okay Benny. I'm here. Shh." Kaitlyn returned with some water. He held the bottle to her lips when her eyes opened.

"Ray."

"Shh, it's okay. Here, drink some water." She grabbed the bottle and sat up. Glancing at Kaitlyn, she managed to pull herself back together.

"I'm sorry. I just slipped and then, well, you know."

"It's okay. Come on, let's get you something to eat."

Ray helped Bennett up and they joined the others in the annex. Felicity looked up from her computer.

"Felicity, how would you like to go out to eat with us? Everyone's invited of course."

"I would love to. Barry, get your coat. Cisco, Kaitlyn, Dr. Wells?"

"Actually Kaitlyn and I have some work to do, tonight. But thank you for the offer. Bennett, Ray, it was a pleasure to meet both of you." Dr. Wells and Kaitlyn said their goodbyes and left.

"I actually have to meet my family for dinner tonight, but it was great to see everyone. Good luck with the suit Ray. Bennett."

They started to leave when Bennett turned back. "Go ahead and get the car, I'll be right down."

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	11. Wine and Rust

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING! This chapter contains self-injury scenes. If this is uncomfortable for you, please skip this chapter. If you or someone you know struggles with self-harm, please contact someone to talk to. If you don't know of anyone to talk to, please, please, PLEASE _always_ feel free to contact me. I promise I don't judge, I only listen and love. I'm always here for anyone who needs me.**

* * *

"Cisco? Cisco are you, oh! Hello." I squeaked in surprise as I rounded the corner and almost plowed right into him.

"Hey, Bennett, what's up? Did you forget something, or…" He asked me.

"No, no I didn't forget anything. It's just, you seemed kind of off, and I wanted to make sure you were okay. Did I do something wrong?" He had been so quiet. Not saying anything to me, and hardly a few words to everyone else. I thought maybe I had offended him in some way I couldn't remember.

"What? Why would you think that?" He genuinely seemed surprised.

"You just weren't talking to me. Did I upset you?"

"Upset me? Upset me." He nervously laughed as he leaned his back against the wall. "No, Bennett you didn't upset me. You saved my life." Stunned, I could only look at him, my mouth hanging slightly open. He was mad because I saved him? "Why did you do that? You could have died. You could have been killed trying to save me, to save someone you just met. If Barry hadn't been there, I don't know! I don't know what I would have done."

Slowly realizing what was really going on here, I moved closer to him, prying the tablet from his fingertips. Placing it carefully on the table beside him, I wrapped my arms around him, not letting go until he returned the hug.

"Cisco, I saved you because your life was worth saving. You were worth saving. And I would do it again, in a heartbeat. No pun intended." After I finally got a smile from him, I headed back towards to elevator, pressing the button for the ground floor.

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Felicity waited downstairs with Barry while Ray pulled the car around. Bennett was meeting them downstairs any minute now, and she checked over her shoulder to make sure she wasn't there yet.

"So, Barry, what do you think of Bennett? She's nice, huh?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. She is really nice. I can't believe she took that bee sting for Cisco. He would have freaked if it had stung him."

"Yeah, she's like that. I told you about how she saved Oliver and the guys right? That time they all got kidnapped? Crazy stuff. Yup." Felicity popped the 'p' at the end of her sentence, waiting for Barry to say more.

"Is that how she got those scars, and that bump on her head?" He asked. This was not the direction she was hoping he would take.

"Uh, no. The bump was from last night. The scars are from the past couple of years. Not exactly sure from what though. She hasn't told anyone." Anyone but Oliver, Felicity begrudgingly thought to herself.

"Huh. So does she have-" Just then the elevator binged, signally Bennett's arrival.

"Hey, Bennett. Ready to go?" Just then Ray pulled up and they all piled into the car. A short ride later, they were being seated at a five-star restaurant. After ordering a bottle of red wine and some appetizers, Felicity welcomed the warmth of Ray's hand in hers. Even though they were only holding hands, Felicity felt her cheeks redden. Maybe it was the fact that she couldn't help but remember the last time he had held her hand, when he had spent the night with her, his naked body pressed against hers. Mouth enamored with every inch of her skin as his fingers clasped around hers, preparing her for what was the come next.

"Felicity? Felicity, hello?" Her elbow slipped from the edge of the table. Oh dear, what just happened?

"Huh? What? Sorry." She realized Barry had been trying to get her attention.

They all laughed as the first round of food was delivered.

The next few hours went smoothly. Everyone laughing and enjoying their food. Well, except Bennett. She seemed a little off. Felicity noticed she only picked around her food, not really eating any of it. Every once in a while, her face contorted into one of pain and flushed white in what seemed like fear. Felicity noticed her slip her fork into her lap, then return it a few minutes later when she thought no one was looking.

"Well, I definitely ate too much. Bennett, want to go to the bathroom with me?" She seemed a little startled when I said her name, but agreed and followed me into the bathroom, pulling her sleeve down and over her thumb.

In the bathroom, Felicity turned on the faucet and pumped some pink foam into her hands.

"You doing okay, Bennett? You seem a little out of it." Shit, maybe that was offensive to say.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I'm just tired. It's been a long day, and I'm not used to being away from home this long."

"Okay well I'll tell Ray I'm ready to go to the hotel and we'll get you to bed, okay?"

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Ray had paid for a hotel for the night in Central City. I didn't particularly like hotels, but this one was clean and considerably nicer than a lot of the hotels I had seen overseas. I told myself several times that this was different, I was here willingly, and with friends. Still, I found myself checking under the bed and behind the shower curtain.

I had already decided there would be no way I could sleep in the bed. I had spent too many nights, and days, I suppose, in grungy hotel beds. My skin crawled just thinking about climbing into it.

It really had been a long day, and the hotel room was putting me on edge. My nerves felt exposed and raw. The slight course of adrenaline pumped through my veins as I tried to force memories back down the way one swallows to prevent vomit from crawling up your throat. I could feel them coming to the surface. Just nudging my consciousness. The blood covered man appeared briefly by the window. The mirror above the dresser caught the reflection of a man coiling and uncoiling copper wire. Any time I looked at the bed, I saw a girl (it was hard to tell if it was me or not, she was so dirty and lifeless), strapped down with men around her cackling like crows picking her apart, piece by piece.

My throat burned, and so did my skin. The fleshy part of my thigh, right below by hip, started whispering to me. Convincing me it was what I needed. That it could help ease the pain. Take away the memories, at least for a little while. Quiet the thousand screaming voices in my head.

In a panicked flurry I turned the shower on, the water as hot as I could get it, and climbed in the tub. I didn't dare take my clothes off. Instead I let the water burn over me, competing with the fire ignited on my legs. My hands started to shake. My head clouded. Every thought was becoming consumed. A silent scream began trying to rip itself out of my chest. Suddenly it felt like every cell in my body was screaming, too. My self control was dwindling, fast. Too fast. I climbed out of the tub, not bothering to turn off the water or even towel off. I grabbed the phone off the side table, dialed the operator, and asked to be connected.

"Please pick up. Please, please pick up. Come on!" I listened as the phone rang, and rang, and rang. No answer. He wasn't home. My eyes watered as I slammed the phone down. I sank to my knees. I tried counting. Tried holding my breath for two seconds, breath for four, repeat.

I lifted my head up, staring at the cracks in the ceiling, noticing a dismantled spider web, as a final tear slid down my face and into my ear.

It had gone too far. This time is was too bad. The numbness had set in, quietly. So quietly I didn't even notice until it was too late.

Standing up, I robotically scanned the room. Looking for just the right thing. There, at the bar, someone had left a wine opener.

My muscles carried me back to the bathroom, and I sat with my back against the sink cabinet. I slid off my socks, my pants, and my shirt. Holding the wine opener just right, I let the screw point hover just over my skin. I found just the right spot. Not totally clean, but there weren't any fresh marks there. Several bright red lines leered up at me, egging me on. Begging for new friends to play with.

Then, after giving myself a few extra seconds to change my mind. I plunged the screw into my skin. The first pressure point, the first pop of skin, the first drop of blood, I was hooked. I was a junkie, just getting the next fix.

But then the part of my brain that was screaming "no" at me shut up, as did every other voice. I saw no men with their pants unzipped, no chairs with chains on them, no wires. There was only the wine opener. There was only the blood, dripping into the porcelain tiles. When I reached the point where I felt good, I dropped the opener to the floor, laughed without humor as it landed in a small red puddle.

I lay there for a while longer. Not moving. Not thinking. Just staring at the puddle. Running my finger through the clots of blood on my leg, a distant part of my brain recognizes that the phone is ringing. But I don't really hear it. Or if I do, I don't move to answer it. Let it ring, I think.

Life can wait just a few more minutes.

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Arriving home, Oliver opened the fridge, hoping to find something edible. A couple days old rice and some peanut butter was all he found. Peanut butter and a spoon it is. He stretched out his stiff muscles and inspected a wound on his arm.

In between spoon fulls, he noticed a light flashing on his phone. He had two missed calls. One from Felicity, and one from a Central City area code. He redialed the number.

"Hello, thank you for calling the Hilton, how may I help you?" A cheery woman chirped through the phone.

"Hi, I received a call from here about two hours ago? I'm not how to tell who it was from."

"Let me check for you, just one moment." The line clicked into a cheesy classical song. Oliver got to listen to the whole thing twice through before the woman switched over again.

"Yes sir, the call was from one of our guests under the name of Mr. Ray Palmer, shall I call him for you?"

"Um," Oliver debated for a moment. "Yes, please."

"Alright, here you go."

The line rang for a couple of minutes. Oliver checked his watch. It was only a few minutes past 11:30, but maybe they were already asleep. Hanging up, Oliver sent a quick text to Felicity.

"_Sorry I missed your call. Was out with Dig. Hope you're having fun."_

Oliver closed his phone and set it on the counter. He really did hope they were having fun, but his stomach still turned slightly sour thinking about Ray and Felicity together. But when he thought of Bennett, he felt the corners of his lips twitching into a smile. Although he did worry about her, she hadn't told him much, really. He had definitely told her a lot more about himself. She had a way of saying things that at the time make sense, but later when you think about them again, she really didn't say much of anything at all. Kind of like verbal 'beating around the bush.'

She still didn't want to talk about the past two years. She did tell him however about the flashbacks. The trouble she had sleeping. When she had stayed at his place, he had let her sleep in his bed. In the middle of the night when he went to the bathroom, he peaked in and checked up on her. But when he found her, she wasn't in the bed at all. She was curled up in a ball on the floor, no pillow or blanket, fast asleep.

When he mentioned it in the morning, she had only said, "it's how I'm used to sleeping."

He had also seen her arms that day when the practiced with his bows, for fun. He had seen glimpses of her wrists before, and he could only imagine what other scars her body held. Her arms had been bound, several times. The creases of her arms were bruised, veins shredded, which he guessed had been due to the heroin they poisoned her with. But some of the marks on her arms were peculiar. Straight, clean lines in sets of twos or threes.

Yes, she was very peculiar indeed. But then again, so was he.


	12. Sheets and Sunsets

"Are you sure Bennett's going to be okay alone tonight?" Felicity questioned Ray as she unpacked her toothbrush. Bennett had kindly offered to stay in Felicity's room alone so she could stay with Ray for the night.

"Of course. She's gonna be fine, Felicity." Ray put down the TV remote and pulled Felicity's toothbrush from her hand.

"I know. It's just she seemed a little off tonight. And after everything that happened…" Felicity lost her trail of thought as Ray stared intently into her eyes. There was a softness to them as he caressed her face, and then…something else…sadness, maybe.

"It's not that I don't worry about her. Believe me, I do. Every minute of every day. I worry mostly that I'm going to find her dead one day. I can't lose her again, Felicity. No matter what." He was barely whispering by the end of it. His lips, inches away from hers, hovered so close she could feel his breath. Could taste the scent of his skin. An ache grew in her chest, and suddenly nothing else mattered. He needed her right now. And she wanted him.

Making the first move, Felicity's lipped crashed into his as they tumbled onto the bed. Her hands chased his over their bodies. Wanting to feel every centimeter of skin, every freckle, every wrinkle.

Ray's lips hungrily embraced Felicity's body, tasting and caressing everything.

At some point, they had undressed, and the heat of his body against hers felt like home. Rolling over, Ray on top of her, brushed the stray blonde hairs out of her face. Perched right on the edge, Felicity dug her nails into his shoulders.

"I love you, I love you so much." The sound of his voice, purring into her ears, was too much to handle.

"I love you, too." With that, their lips met once again and Felicity turned off the lamp.

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After a fitful night of sleep, I woke up to a throbbing thigh. The bright green light of the clock next to me flashed 6:32. Pulling back the covers, I noticed brown marks lining the sheets. Oops.

Braving the bright lights in the bathroom, I turned on the shower and slipped off my underwear. Pulling the bandage from my forehead, I inspected Oliver's stiches. They were holding up quite well, all things considering. Underneath the spray of the water, I let the burning of my wounds being cleaned wake me up. I relished in the pain, and simultaneously hated myself for it. What was wrong with me?

More than I could fix, that was for sure.

Wrapped up in a plush towel, I dialed room service and asked for a first aid kit. For my head, of course.

Surprisingly soon, a young man at the door handed me a small red bag. Opening it, I found a bottle of alcohol. I dabbed a little on a cotton square and dabbed it on my forehead. I forced myself to pour the rest of the liquid on my thigh, inhaling through my teeth as the pain made my leg shake.

When my breathing evened out and my leg dried, I pulled on my clothes and packed up my bag. I did my best to clean the blood up in the bathroom, then closed the door behind me.

Downstairs, Ray and Felicity were cuddled up at a table eating croissants.

"Hey, Benny, how did you sleep?" Ray asked.

"Not too bad." Lie. Always a lie somewhere.

"Good. Well grab some coffee and something to eat. We should get going soon." I could see Ray eyeing me closely. I wondered if Felicity had told him she thought something was wrong yesterday.

I wasn't really hungry, but I grabbed a bagel and a cup of tea, knowing I could pick at the bagel so Ray would be satisfied that I had eaten something.

In the car, I felt dirty, as I usually did after a cut. But also relieved. And also angry at myself. I was back to 'zero days since last cut'. The longest I had gone since coming back was five days. Five excruciating days. I ran one hand over the fresh marks through my jeans, enjoying every spark of pain, while nibbling my bagel with the other.

It was better this way, I told myself. It was either this or heroin, I told myself. It's not really that bad, I told myself. It's pretty normal, considering, I told myself.

Myself wasn't listening, though.

I dozed through the rest of the trip, only waking when we arrived at Ray's office.

"Ben, Mr. Clark is going to take you home, okay? Felicity and I have some work to do, but I'll be home for dinner." With a kiss to the forehead, I was packed up and into his chauffer's car.

Back at the house, I sat in the chair facing the window. The pain was gone, leaving only an emptiness behind it. When I felt like this, time slowed down, or sped up. I wasn't really sure. All I knew was that it was no longer relevant. I felt detached from it all. From everything. Like I was floating away in an empty sea. Not a care in the world.

It was times like this I asked myself, was this better than the pain? Or worse? Years later and I still wasn't sure. Both were painful I guess. The only difference was I only cared during one of them.

Pulling my knees to my chest, I watched the sun cross the sky. Burning it's way through the atmosphere, as my leg burned it's way through me.

I was vaguely aware that Ray had come home. He was asking me something. I tried to tell my body to turn to him, but it didn't listen, so I gave up. My mouth felt disconnected. My body felt disconnected.

A hand on a shoulder, maybe it was mine. A face looking, maybe at me. I could hear voices, but I couldn't care. All I could do was watch the sun, creep slowly past buildings, spreading it's yellow pigment like a sickness. Infecting everything it touched.

Like me.

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"Benny, I'm home. Are you hungry? I was thinking about ordering Indian for dinner." Setting his keys down, Ray checked the kitchen. Usually Bennett was here making food or drinks or something, but not tonight. "Ben?"

Checking the living room, he saw her sitting in the chair. "There you are. What's up?" When she didn't respond, he thought maybe she was sleeping. But at the same time his stomach tightened. Something was off.

"Ben?" Beside her, he could see her eyes were open. Blank. She was gone.

"Bennett! Hey, Bennett! Hello. Can you hear me?" She didn't turn. Placing a hand on her shoulder, he gently shook her. "Ben!" Facing her square on, he could tell something was terribly wrong. This wasn't her usual flashback. She didn't look afraid, or angry, or sad. She looked blank. Empty. Like no one was home.

Panicking, Ray debated what to do. Call a doctor? No, what could they do. Pulling on his hair, a thought came to him. Less of a thought, really. Just a name. Oliver.

Ray dialed the number frantically, tapping his fingers as he waited for him to pick up.

"Hello?" He sounded confused. Of course he would, why would Ray be calling him?

"Oliver, hey this is Ray." His voice shook, and he wondered if he sounded as panicked as he felt.

"What's wrong?" Oliver asked seriously.

"How fast can you get to my house?"

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The sun was bleeding orange when his face came into view. The memory of a phone ringing surfaced, seeming like years ago. Still feeling detached, I could tell my body was being lifted, a door was being opened, I was outside. I noticed my arm, tinted orange in the light, and felt myself becoming infected, too.

Suddenly the lights went dark. A damp cloth had been placed over my face, my head now cradled into a chest. I could feel my body waking up. I could feel it wanted to respond. My muscles ached to turn into him, to wrap my arms around his neck.

But I was afraid. Fear was always the first thing to come back. Fear of feeling everything else. But I knew it was coming. And God, I wanted to be alone when it happened.

The fear was enough, it woke my muscles up. I pulled, painfully, against the arms holding me. I fell to the floor, landing on my bad leg. The dull orange glow was back now that the towel was on the floor beside me.

"Bennett, you're okay." Oh God, my hearing was coming back. I just had to get to my room. Just get to my room, lock the door, everything will be fine.

My legs were reacting to slow, so I tried to crawl back inside. Too slow. Hands were pulling me up, my hair being pushed away from my face.

Green eyes pierced into me. A phone rang. Blood hit a porcelain floor. A wine opener sat on a bar tray. My body burning in a tub.

You are stronger than this. You are better than this. I tell myself. I take several deep, ragged breaths, my lungs fighting me. You can do this. I close the doors shut in my mind. Fight the monsters back into their closets. Lock the doors and melt the keys.

I will not be weak. I will not be weak. I will not be weak.

"Oliver." My hands shake as they find his face. No one can know. Not even him.

I will not be weak.

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	13. Steps and Progress

When Ray had asked him to come over, he knew something must be really wrong. Seeing Bennett in the chair, unresponsive, was terrible. Ray was almost frantic. Checking her pulse, her breathing, making sure she was alive.

But Oliver had seen this before. Even experienced it himself. He had been trapped in his own mind before; trapped in his own pain.

He carefully picked her up and carried her outside. He asked Ray to bring a damp cloth to put over her eyes.

A few minutes later, her body woke up all at once. She rolled, dropped herself to the floor, and began crawling away.

"Bennett, hey, it's okay. You're okay." Oliver tried to console her. Ray reached for her, but Oliver told him to wait.

He gently held her in his lap and moved the hair out of her eyes, carefully avoiding her head wound. Her hazel eyes burned into him, glowing gold in the dimming sunlight. His hand rested on her cheek.

"Oliver." Her voice, barely audible, gave Oliver the relief he was looking for. She was back. Well, sort of. She reached for his face, as if she was checking to be sure he was real.

"Shh, it's okay. You're okay, Bennett. I'm here. And so is Ray."

"Ray." Saying his name, a panicked look overcame her face. Hearing his name, Ray rushed over.

"Benny, I'm here. I'm here." Immediately, Oliver saw her close herself off. Not in the same way. She was conscious again, but she was distancing herself. Building walls.

He took guilty pride that she hadn't done that with him.

"I'm tired." She said.

"Yes, yes, of course. Let's get you to bed." Ray stood and reached down as if to pick her up, but instead she leaned into Oliver. Wrapped her arms around his arms, cradling her head in his chest, eyes already closing.

Oliver carried her to the bed, and Ray turned off the light.

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The next day came and went. I slept through most of it. Ray came and checked in on me a few times, tried to get me to eat something. Oliver called and checked in. I didn't have anything to say. I was still trapped inside my head. Doing my best to keep the pain at bay.

I felt how I always did after a cut. Empty and alone. I couldn't even get myself out of bed.

When the sun set again, I heard Ray on the phone with Felicity.

"No, I'm planning on staying home again tomorrow, too. Yeah, she's still in bed. She won't eat or speak to me. I don't know what to do, Felicity. I just—I don't know what to do." I could hear the pain in his voice. The clipped, strained words.

I got out of bed.

I walked out of my room, and then out of the apartment. I didn't make a sound.

Out in the streets of Starling city, the street lamps burned my corneas.

It took me a few hours before I realized I wasn't wearing shoes. The heel of my right foot was bleeding. I hadn't even noticed.

I walked to the park and sat on the nearest bench. A few lights down, a homeless man slept, covered in soggy newspapers. I picked the rocks out of my feet, and hated myself more when I enjoyed the pain.

What had I done? Look what I did to Ray. He was so worried. So afraid for me.

I wanted to be better. I wanted to explain everything to him, so he wouldn't worry, but I didn't know how. And I knew he would worry no matter what. At least, that's what I told myself.

I thought of my parents. My biological ones. I wondered what they would think of me now. Of this horrible person I had become.

I thought of my mother, and how she would always let me sleep in the bed with her if I was sad or sick. All I wanted now, more than anything, was to crawl into her bed, wrap her arms around me, and tell her that I loved her.

But I couldn't do that anymore.

I lost track of time. I realized the sun was rising, Ray would be checking in on me again soon. I needed to get back.

As if she knew I needed her, my mother sent me a message. Just as the morning glories began to open their petals, a swallow-tail butterfly came to soak up the pollen. In Russia, butterflies are almost a holy symbol, signifying re-birth and second chances. My mother loved them, more than the rest of us. She used to say that she must have spent her previous lives as one of them. This one was blue, her favorite color. My mother might be gone, but here she is, sending me the only version of a hug that she can.

I needed to be better. Stronger.

I needed to fix myself. So that I could get back to helping others. So I could prevent others girls from ending up like me.

I walked out of the park, stripping off my jacket and setting it near the man in the newspapers.

On my way back to the apartment, I found two twenty dollar bills in my pocket so I decided to stop and pick up some bagels. And also some shoes.

The closest store was a moderately sketchy gas station that smelled like old smoke and mold. The man behind the counter was in his late fifties, balding, and wearing a gold chain necklace, complete with a navy track suit.

"Hey, sweetheart, you're up early. Walk of shame with no shoes on huh? That's a new one by me." I faked a laugh and passed him the money. While I was waiting for my change, a blacked out van pulled into the lot to gas up. The man behind the counter noticed and cursed under his breath. I thought I heard him say something about "dirty Albanians". Immediately, the hair on the back of my neck shot up.

The doorbell chimed as I left, but the men didn't look up. They were too busy arguing. The back windows were blacked out, but with the gas stations lights I could just make out that they were barred.

The sharp pop of glass cracking pierced through my skull. I had to swallow several times and steady my breathing to bring myself back. This time, I wasn't the one in the back of the van. This time, I could do something.

I wasn't sure anyone was in the back of the van, but I knew that these men would lead me back to somewhere. The two men were finished pumping, and I averted my gaze as they got back in.

Scanning the area, I made a less than acceptable decisions and broke the window of a nearby Camry. The van was leaving the parking lot. I yanked the plastic from under the steering wheel and started splicing wires.

"Come on, come on!" They were getting away.

Just as the van rounded the corner, the car revved to life.

"Finally!"

Peeling out of the parking lot, I found the van turning onto the highway. For a moment, the rationale part of my brain told me to turn around. Or to call Oliver and let Team Arrow take care of this.

But no. I was done being weak. I was done sitting idly by hosting my own pity party. I can do this. I pushed the car into the final gear, and merged onto the highway.

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"Oliver? Hey, this is Ray again, umm…Bennett's not…is she with you?" Oliver was confused. Not only because it was barely 6:30 in the morning, but also because Ray thought Bennett was with him.

"Umm, no. I haven't seen her since the other day. Why? What's wrong?" He asked.

"Shit. She's not here. I can't find her." Ray seemed like he was about to cry.

"When did you see her last?" Immediately, Oliver was texting Felicity.

"Last night. I checked in on her before I went to bed. Then, this morning, she's gone. I checked the apartment. She left her purse and cell here. You don't think, I mean, you don't think someone took her or something, do you?"

"Ray, stay calm. I'm going to have Felicity look into it, then I'll get back to you. We'll find her. I'm sure she's fine." Oliver hung up the phone. He wanted to believe she was okay, but he wasn't so sure. She was having some sort of mental break. It wouldn't be too out of the ordinary if she was having a flashback and left the house. Ran away. He just hoped wherever she was that she was okay.

He grabbed his jacket and headed down to the club. He was meeting Felicity there to try and figure out what happened. On the way, he hoped to himself that she would show up at home and everything would be fine. But he had a gnawing feeling in his gut that worried him.

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I followed the van all the way to the docks. The two men were joined by two other men, this time with semi-automatics. The opened the doors to the van, and the back of my throat burned with bile. Three girls who couldn't be older than fourteen were pulled out and thrown to the ground. My Albanian wasn't very good, but I could make out that they were selling the girls to the men with guns, who would presumably sell them again for a higher price.

My fear was burned out by rage, and I searched the car for a weapon. Unfortunately, the Camry didn't come complete with a gun, but after finding a stash of cigarettes and matches, I had a different idea.

I snuck around the back of the warehouse the men came out of and made sure no other girls were inside. There was only one other man in there, asleep and drooling. And yes, as I suspected, there was a large amount of cash and heroin inside. Perfect.

I found a ladder and climbed to the roof. The exhaust vent was easy enough to find. I unfolded my jacket and pulled out the wire I had soaked in the car's engine oil. I fit it through the vent, and looped it around, securing it into place. Peering down, I was pleased to see the wire hung almost in the center of the cash pile. I took three more breaths, and lit the match. The wire lit up in a single blaze, dripping the burning oil onto the cash. It was engulfed in flames in an instant.

I ran to the ladder and climbed back down. All four men had run inside to try and save the money/heroin, and lucky for me had left the girls in the back of the van, keys in the ignition. A crooked smile played over my lips.

"It's okay, you're okay. I'm going to help you." I spoke my best Albanian and hoped the girls understood I wasn't going to hurt them. I shut the door and ran to the driver's side. Just as I started the engine, one of the men ran out with the gun and unloaded a clip into the side of the van.

As I raced toward to highway, I prayed the girls were unharmed.

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"Here she is! There." Felicity had been combing through street cams for almost an hour. Finally, she tracked Bennett to a park. The time stamp on it read 4:32 a.m., almost four hours ago.

"She doesn't have shoes on! What is she doing there?" Ray was practically pulling his eyelashes out.

"Felicity, where did she go after this?" Oliver was more concerned that the live cam revealed Bennett wasn't at the park anymore, nor did she come home to Ray's.

"Umm, let me see if I can track here. Hold on. Okay, it looks like she went to this gas station. Then, oh my god!"

"What?! What is it?" Ray rushed over to see what Felicity had exclaimed about.

"She just broke into this poor person's car! Oh my god, I think she's going to steal it!"

"What? Why would she, she could have just called me! I would have picked her up."

"No, she's following that van. Felicity, see if you can get anything off those plates. I'm going to see if I can find her." Oliver turned and grabbed his gear. He didn't know what Bennett saw in that van, but it had to be bad if she was willing to steal a car for it. Who knows what kind of trouble she was in.

"I found it! I found the van. Umm, it's actually at the station. SCPD just logged it and the car Bennett stole."

"I'm calling the SCPD. Yes, hi, this is Ray Palmer. I'm calling to see if a woman named Bennett is there? Is she…yes…is she okay? Okay. Yes. I'll be there right now. Thank you. She's there. Let's go." Ray rushed to the door, Felicity right behind him.

"Oliver, aren't you coming?" Felicity asked.

"Yes, I'll meet you there." Oliver restacked his bow and grabbed the keys to his bike.

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	14. Tickets and Time

"Want me to get someone to look at your head?" Detective Lance passed me a cup of coffee and sat down across the table from me.

"No, thank you. The injury is old. I'm okay." I took the cup and put it to my lips, but didn't swallow. I could have dropped the girls and the van off at SCPD and left, but I wanted to make sure the girls get where they need to go. Home. I didn't trust the legal system to do it without throwing them in jail first. Det. Lance assured me they were in medical. Getting fed and clothed. Safe. I'd like to see it with my own eyes.

"So, take me through this again. How did you know the girls were in the van at the gas station?" Det. Lance eyed me warily as he scribbled on his notepad.

"I didn't. I couldn't see at the time if anyone was in there or not. But with the lighting I could tell the windows were barred from the inside out. Never a good sign. Also the men were Albanian. The mark on their necks, it's the symbol from a gang in their country. They specialize in trafficking women. So I guess you could say I had a hunch." My hands shook, anxious for the questions I was sure would follow. The cuffs around my wrist shook with them, and Det. Lance noticed.

"Are you cold? I could get you a blanket."

"No, I'm fine. Thanks."

"Mhmm. So you steal a car, fancy trick with the wires there, by the way, and then follow them. Then you light their warehouse on fire, and steal their van? Then your first instinct is to come to the police station and turn yourself in? Why? You could have dropped the girls off at a hospital. No one would have known you had anything to do with it." I liked the way his forehead creased when he asked me a question. Like he was really interested in the answer, and not just because it was his job.

"I needed the make sure the girls would be taken care of. Be taken seriously. They're the victims here. I wanted to ensure they weren't treated as criminals. You're country isn't too kind of sex workers here." I couldn't help the acid that dripped from my tongue. He seemed genuinely surprised at my vehement response.

"Well, I can promise you I will personally see that they are taken care of and sent back home, where they belong. And I'm dropping all charges against you. You're free to go." I was waiting for him to change his mind, but he reached in his pocket and unlocked my hand cuffs. While doing so, he noticed the marks on my wrist. "If you don't mind me asking, who's going to take care of you, Bennett? Make sure you're doing okay?"

"I have a brother. But I do alright on my own."

"Yes, I can see that. Well do me a favor, would you? Try and stay out of trouble. It's dangerous out there. And no more stealing cars! Next time I won't let you off so easy."

A smile tinged my lips. I decided then that I liked him. "Yes, detective."

Outside the precinct, the sun had risen fully and I knew that by now Ray would know I was missing. He was probably in full blown panic mode. I knew I should call him. But standing in the middle of downtown, with no car, no wallet (only $27 left), no phone, I realized I could leave. I could walk, or maybe hitch hike half way across the country. Take my pain with me, somewhere it could never hurt anyone else.

Maybe it was kismet, but in that moment a bus pulled in across the street. Next stop-Central City. Tickets-$25. Just as I found my seat on the bus, I saw Ray's car pull into the SCPD parking lot. My heart clenched as he raced up the stairs into the building. Desperate. I placed my hand over the window as the bus picked up speed.

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"Hi, yes I'm looking for my sister. She's about 5'5", brunette, her name is Bennett." Ray leaned over the receptionists' desk as she typed into her computer.

"I don't see anyone by that name…"

"Umm, she, uh…"

"Oliver. Getting yourself into trouble again?" Detective Lance came into the waiting room and saw Oliver with the blonde girl and Ray Palmer. Trouble alright.

"Detective Lance, we're looking for a friend actually. Her name is Bennett? Have you seen her?"

"Should have known a girl like that was friends with the likes of you." Lance gruffed as he adjusted his belt. "Yeah, she was here earlier. Brought in two stolen cars with her."

"Where is she? Is she alright?" Ray pleaded.

"That girl is tough as nails. Brought down a couple guys we've had our eye on for awhile now. I released her about twenty minutes ago."

"Released her, what?" Ray couldn't believe what he was hearing. She didn't even get out of bed all day yesterday and today she was out fighting crime and stealing cars?

"Do you know where she went?" Oliver was worried, to say the least. Bennett wasn't in the right state of mind. He would feel better once she was back at home, safe.

"Uh, no. Sorry."

"Hey Lance! Need your help for a second." A younger deputy in training called from the back.

"Well, stay out of trouble. And keep your eye on the girl."

"Thank you, Detective."

Felicity half-dragged Ray outside. Oliver followed behind them.

"Maybe she went home. We should go look." Felicity patted Ray's back as he searched through his pockets for his keys.

"I'll head to the club, see if she's there. I'll call you if I find anything."

"We'll do the same."

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The bus ride wasn't long, but the seats were uncomfortable and the driver had a knack for finding every pothole in the road. When the signs for Central City finally flashed by, I was more than ready to get off.

I still had the pangs in my stomach from leaving Ray, but I needed this.

I had to ask a few passerbyers, but I found my way to STAR Labs in time. I pressed the buzzer, hoping Kaitlyn was here and not too busy. The little camera by the buzzer clicked on, the light flashing green before the door clicked open.

Well, that was easier than I thought it would be. Out of the elevator, I took the turns by memory and found my way to their lab.

Dr. Wells was working on something that resembled a laser pointer, but I was sure it was something more high tech.

"Bennett, what a surprise to see you. Is everything alright?" He placed the piece of metal on his table and wheeled to my side of the room. I took an unintentional step back. He noticed.

"Um, not really. Is Kaitlyn here?" I wasn't sure I wanted to be here alone with him.

"No, she and the guys went to grab some lunch. Can I help you? I don't have a medical degree but I know my way around this place." His lips formed what I guessed was a smile but couldn't know for sure.

"Oh, uh, no I'm not hurt, or anything. I was just hoping to talk to her about something. But you know it seems really stupid now so I'm just going to go. I'm sorry to bother you." I started to turn back towards the elevator, but as I was approaching the doors opened and Barry stepped out.

"Bennett? Hey! What are you, uh, what are you doing here? Not that I'm not glad to see you or anything, I just didn't expect it. Hey, are you okay?"

"What am I doing here? God, I don't even know. What am I doing here." I was more asking myself than Barry. I came here thinking I would tell Kaitlyn, about everything, and maybe she could fix me. So I could go home to Ray after all, whole and healthy, and I wouldn't hurt him anymore. And everything would be fine. Now that I was actually here it seemed like the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. The gravity of the last few hours came crashing down on me all at once, taking the air out of my lungs. What sounded like a sob wracked out of me and the wings flashed in the corners of my eyes. The darkness was coming, weakening the bones in my legs until I swayed.

Before I even had time to realize I was falling, Barry was there. Man, he really was fast. His hands held my back until I could stand again.

"I'm okay, sorry. I just need to sit down." Just like that, Barry whipped down the hall and back with a chair. "Thanks." I felt better once I was off my feet. My bad leg was throbbing. I could feel the scabs beginning to form, stitching the skin tight.

"Ray doesn't know you're here, does he?" Barry's face came into view, concerned.

"No."

"Do you want me to tell him where you are?"

I could feel the cogs in my mind turning, debating. Barry waited for my answer.

"No."

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Back at Verdant, Oliver couldn't help but hope that Bennett would be there, waiting for him. But there was no sign of her. A text from Felicity informed him she wasn't at home either. They searched the security cameras outside the SCPD, but the only one covering the back exit had been damaged the night before, and wasn't recording.

Oliver had checked his phone a dozen times for a phone call, but nothing ever came.

The way Bennett had looked the other night, frozen, alone, cut at his heart. She was hiding something, some hidden pain that was eating away at her, piece by piece. He wanted desperately to find out what it was and fix it. He wasn't sure when it had happened, but somewhere between telling her about his father and the night she showed up at his apartment bleeding, Bennett had carved out a space in his heart and settled in. He felt a fierce need to protect her, while simultaneously knowing she didn't need it. She was strong. Brave. At least that's what she wanted everyone to think.

Finally, his phone rang and he lunged for it, knocking it off the counter in the process.

He snatched it up from the floor. The caller ID read Allen, B. Disappointed, Oliver answered.

"Hey Barry, this really isn't a good time."

"Bennett's here, Oliver." Oliver almost dropped the phone.

"What? Where? In Central City?"

"Yeah, she got here awhile ago. Listen, she told me not to tell anyone where she was, but I knew you guys were probably worried sick. She's fine, but I just thought you should know."

"Thank you, Barry." With that Oliver ended the call and grabbed his keys. He sent a quick text to Felicity, 'Going to get Bennett. She's safe,' and shut the lights off as he left.


End file.
